Our House
by crazyoldwoman
Summary: Viscious rumors force kagome to leave her home and stay at a house in the country owned by her rich cousin, miroku. once there she finds a bit more trouble than she left behind. AU, PWP, and a healthy dose of OOC
1. Default Chapter

Note: this story was brought up by my own depressions and wants. Funny how I can concoct something so weird from my dwelling in my emotions. Welcome to my own personal craziness!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Our House  
Chapter 1: Rumors  
  
  
Kagome Higurashi smiled pleasantly to herself as she turned the cucumber over in her hand, squeezing it's hard sides to test for ripeness. Cucumbers were very succulent this year, and she was planning on having a little vege party. Lot's of healthy, fresh snacks. It would be so much fun, she thought as she absently put another four long hard cucumbers into a bag. Maybe her mother would have fun. She'd been so pale lately. Cold one moment, then flushed the next. A little fete was just what Mrs. Higurashi needed, Kagome told herself firmly, and smiled again.  
  
Humming, she made her way down the isle, picking up some melons, carrots, grapes, and some sort of creamy sauce. Satisfied at her assortment of flavors, she moved out of the produce section and toward the checking stands. She was about to get in line, when she happened to notice the most adorable little stuffed monkey in a striking pose. "Eeh! How cute!" she gasped ad snatched it from the shelf as she cooed over it. Well, it wouldn't hurt to indulge herself a little bit.  
  
Pleased, Kagome moved into a line and stood waiting patiently. Her mind wandered for a bit, and then caught on to bits of the conversation the two women near her were having.  
  
"....the poor mother...having to endure life with that disgusting child...."  
  
"Oh! I know! It must be so awful to have THAT girl! You wouldn't BELIEVE the things I've heard she's done!"  
  
"Oh, Dora-chan, you HAVE to tell me!"  
  
There were some ferocious whispers at this point, and Kagome's eyes narrowed as she strained to hear them. To her dismay, she could only catch fragments, and they were only the listeners side to the conversation. She wondered what they were talking about...  
  
"She did what??"  
  
**whisper whisper**  
  
"She put WHAT in WHERE???"  
  
**whisper whisper**  
  
The woman gave a nervous gasp of surprise. "Oh my god!"  
  
Finally, Kagome heard the storytellers reply. It seemed the woman could not contain this particular part of the story:  
  
"It's true, Nancy-chan! I heard she took his....%!!@?!!:)%***....and did them both at once!"  
  
Kagome blanched. Holy God. That was the most horrible, unbelievable thing she had ever heard. She hadn't thought that someone could do it that way....The gossiping woman moved into line behind Kagome, and she stiffened, not wanting them ad their scandalous information near her. Her poor ears were still ringing from the last bit! She hugged her monkey to her suddenly for comfort. The toy gave a soft squeak as she smothered it into her chest, and she immediately released it, embarrassed.  
  
"I heard she did worse, Nancy-chan!"  
  
"No! No one could do worse than %!!@&!?%``!"  
  
Kagome winced, but silently agreed. How could anyone do anything worse??  
  
"Oh, but they can, and she DID. She took his %!!:(%@ and put it in her ~!%@~_?!% and then she ^!%_O_O!!!@ and then she, _!__0_oXXX!@ ."  
  
Kagome's mouth had dropped open and her eyes had watered. Her stomach was in a very silent knot and she thought she would be violently ill. She pressed her fist to her mouth to hold in her emotions. If she didn't, she was sure she would run screaming to the hills to hide from such words strung together into an indescribable act.   
  
Her vision was reeling as she loaded her groceries onto the counter. She barely managed to nod her head politely at the cashier. Absently she reasoned that when she had a lover she would handle that kind of carnal knowledge better, but as she had only had two brief and unpleasant layings, she mind couldn't quite handle the story. And if THAT was the way it was done, she didn't WANT more experience.  
  
"Poor Higurashi." Sighed one of the gossiping women. Kagome stiffened, goosebumps raising on her arms at the mentioning of her surname. "TO have to live with such a slut for daughter."  
  
Kagome twitched, and her mouth went suddenly dry. Her heart was swimming somewhere in her stomach as she handed the cashier the money for the food. Did those damned women not know that the object of their conversation was standing RIGHT NEXT TO THEM???!!!!  
  
Stiffly she took her grocery bags in hand an moved toward the doors. She couldn't stop blinking. This was too much to take in. Cruelly, her mind forced the knowledge on her anyway.  
  
Rumors. Were flying around. About. HER.  
  
She blinked, blinked, swallowed the lump in her throat, and blinked again.  
  
Holy Christ.  
  
Horrible, horrible rumors, too. And she could only guess who was spreading them; Kouga, her ex-boyfriend. It had to be him. The other one, Mark, was too shy about discussing such intimate details, and he definitely wouldn't spread LIES like the one's she'd just heard. Kouga was definitely boastful enough, definitely enough of an asshole, to spread such rumors.  
  
Her upper lip curled into a snarl and her hands tightened into fists until the sweat of her palms made the plastic bags she was holding pinch and itch her skin. That BASTARD! She would fucking castrate his ass when she got a hold of him!  
  
Muttering incoherent curses under her breath, Kagome stormed through the parking lot. She unlocked her car and dumped the grocery bags into the backseat, slamming the door shut. She jerked open her own door, and then slammed it again once she was inside of the car. The old Toyota rattled in reply and she snarled again as she started the car and fled from the supermarket. Someone was SO going to die.  
  
  
***********  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Endnote:: EEEEH! First chapter done, another one soon in coming! This chapter was actually longer but I wanted to get it up quickly and the second half isn't finished.....hopefully it will be by the end of the day... @_@. Please review! This is the first fic I've written in a really long time and it needs reviewing! So do it! **jabs the reader annoyingly while grinning like a maniac** review review review! 


	2. vacate the premises!

Note: heheheehheheehe. I'm so happy about the reviews! God, I got online and saw them and squealed---this is how you can tell I haven't written a fic in awhile. **sighs happily** mwahahha. Uh, this WOULD have been up last night but my dad wanted to go to bed early and the computers in his room, so no story. Anyways, here's the second part.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Our House  
Chapter 2: Vacate the Premises  
  
  
It was a frightening drive home, and she was stunned she had made it into her driveway. She'd zoomed though all the red lights, and screamed at drivers who went too slow or cut her off. Consumed with an awesome road-rage, she'd ridden over the sidewalk with the hope that Kouga would be there so she could run him over, reverse, and run him over again. She'd outraced three cops, narrowly avoided hitting an unsuspecting Grandma crossing the street (which wasn't her fault, Kagome told herself. The old lady SHOULD have looked where she was going!), and managed to get home without killing anyone or hurting her poor car too much. All things considered, she should have been pretty damn proud of herself...but she was still too pissed off to care. Someone needed to die, and she was just itching to strangle the smirk off of 'darling' Kouga's face!  
  
She stormed from her car (barely remembering the groceries and her adorable stuffed monkey) and into the house. She dropped the groceries on the kitchen table, not caring that they tumbled over the edge and onto the floor, and scooped up the monkey in one hand as she stomped her way into the sitting room. She needed paper right now. She needed to tear something up into a million bits and then burn them.  
  
Kagome jerked the door to the sitting room open, causing the whole wall to rattle, and was stopped dead in her fury at the sight of her mother and cousin, Miroku, sitting there in a nest of papers. They looked up at her, startled from whatever it was they had been doing (which looked suspiciously like opening mail). Miroku reacted first. He got up, a vague, sympathetic smile on his face. "Kagome, you're home." He said warmly, and hugged her. Her eyes narrowed into suspicious slits and anger curled in her gut, almost uncontrolled. She peered over Miroku's shoulder at her mother as he pressed himself against her and held her tighter, digging his fingers into the flesh of her back and sides. Her temper seethed dangerously.  
  
"Mama." Kagome said tersely." What is my cousin doing here, and why is he still hugging me in a fashion that cousins JUST DON'T DO????" Her voice rose until it broke and her hands hooked into claws, tearing at the air. She realized distantly that she had developed a tick beneath her left eye. This was just not the time to test her self-control, and she REALLY needed to rip something. She dropped her monkey for fear of strangling it.   
  
"Miroku, le her go." Mrs. Higurashi scolded. "This isn't the time for your little urges." Kagome snorted at her mother's delicate terminology. She WOULD put it that way.  
  
Miroku lifted his head from Kagome's hair with a dreamy expression on his face. "I was just trying to give moral support, Auntie." He whined half-heartedly. "She's just so damn cute!" He slapped Kagome on the ass for emphasis as he released her; smiling to himself and glancing at Mrs. Higurashi as he did so, not noticing Kagome draw back one arm with a mad glint in her eyes.  
  
Kagome's fist suddenly connected with his nose with the force of a hammer. Stars exploded in front his eyes and his head reeled. Dimly, he heard Kagome say something about 'the wrong kind of support' before he collapsed on the carpet, blood spraying in a graceful arch from his now busted nose as he fell. Kagome towered over him, glowering pleasantly, her hand still clenched into that fist. He cringed slightly as little lightning bolts of pain launched an attack on his senses.   
  
A soft giggle escaped from Mrs. Higurashi before she whipped a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound. Miroku glared at her, his hand weakly fumbling for a tissue box that was just out of reach. Kagome sauntered into the sitting room and picked it up for him, handing him a monstrous wad of tissue as she squatted down beside him, grinning. "I had a bad day." She explained. "But I feel better now. "She added happily.  
  
Miroku eyed her as she stuffed a clump of tissues up and into his bloody nose. "So glad I could be of service." He wheezed dryly, and Kagome and her mother giggled.  
  
"Good horsy!" Kagome patted his head. He batted her hand away and mumbled at her to shut up. She plopped down cross-legged beside him, reaching for her monkey and cuddling the toy affectionately. (author :: Hey! It's a cute monkey! **I** want a stuffed monkey!)  
  
With her temper slightly soothed, Kagome began notice just how many letters there were piled up on the floor.   
  
"So why are you here, anyway?" she asked her cousin, still looking at the papers. "And what's with all the mail?"   
  
A heavy silence followed her question, and a sinking feeling welled up in her stomach. Kagome spoke wearily, dreading the answer. "What's going on?" She didn't like the way her mother wasn't looking at her or how Miroku had suddenly found the wall fascinating. Kagome stared at her mother. "Mama...?"  
  
Mrs. Higurashi flushed, and then reached over to touch Kagome's arm with a cool hand. "Honey......well, there's some really awful rumors spreading about you. Of course they're not true!" She rushed on at Kagome's expression. "They're too physically impossible to be true! But honey, people are BELIEVING them!"  
  
The temper that had been briefly cooled from Miroku was building again, and Kagome clenched her teeth to control it. "Well, so what? They can believe what they want. All I have to do is kill Kouga an they'll stop." Kagome smiled evilly, her grip on her poor monkey tightening until it squeaked again. Miroku wrestled her for the monkey, getting blood all over the both of them until he had saved the toy. Kagome pouted. "Give me back my monkey, Miroku!"  
  
"No, you were hurting it!"  
  
"It's a toy! It doesn't care! Gimme my monkey!" her temper boiled over and she lunged at him. Miroku, who had regained his limber grace quicker than she liked, scooted away, laughing.  
  
((( author's note:: okay, I know this is a pointless part in the story. I'm quibbling, but I'm having fun! So there! Mwahahahahah! I just love exercising my power as author.)))  
  
Kagome, who hadn't really judged the distance or her stance when she lunged, ended up tripping over her feet and falling face first into the nest of papers. Sheets exploded into the air chaotically as she hit the floor. Mrs. Higurashi gave a small shriek of dismay and scrambled to catch them as they fluttered above the group in a dancing cloud. She caught a good six sheets before giving up with a huff of exasperated resignation. Miroku was laughing uproariously in the background.  
  
Snarling, Kagome carefully picked herself off from the mess with a sheet of paper stuck to her cheek. She peeled it off, her left eye twitching again, and gazed murderously at her cousin until he flinched. "Give. ME. Back. My. MONKEY!"  
  
"KAGOME!" Mrs. Higurashi's voice cut through her daughter's blind rage, and both she and her cousin froze, turning.  
  
Mrs. Higurashi glared murderously at both of them, filled with an all-consuming Mama-wrath. They had disrupted her organized papers in HER house, and by GOD she would have order! Faced with this, both teenagers flushed with embarrassment and settled down, mumbling their apologies. Satisfied, Mrs. Higurashi held out one elegant hand to Miroku, who was practically hiding behind the couch to escape her gaze. "Now give me that monkey, Miroku." Miroku's face crumbled.  
  
"Aw, Auntie, c'mon..." he whined. Kagome frowned at him and folded her arms across her chest as he handed the monkey over. The need to insult him right now was so strong that she actually bit her tongue to stop it. It was just a toy monkey that she would most likely regain possession of very soon. Nothing to get worked up over. Her rage settled down with these thoughts, leaving Kagome feeling ill and empty. The rumors had angered her, yes, but they'd also really hurt her feelings. Her heart ached at the thought that Kouga, **her** Kouga, would say such things after what they'd shared. That he could be so vindictive and vengeful just because she wasn't going out with him anymore. That he would want to hurt her so badly made her sick....and a little frightened. Frightened for him (as this was definitely destructive behavior) and frightened for herself. To think that she had trusted him enough, CARED for him enough to share herself with him....God, she must have bad taste in men. Sadness laced through her and she sighed, wishing that things were different.  
  
Mrs. Higurashi noticed the change in her daughter and ordered Miroku to go into the kitchen so that she could have some privacy with her daughter. It pained her to see her child this way, so moody and alone. She had heard her daughter at night, the disappointment in her voice as one by one her so-called friends politely took their leave from her life. The girl had held herself so well, it was a shame that her hometown treated her this way. Mrs. Higurashi had searched herself for an answer to her daughter's woes, and had come up with only one thing. Hopefully it would solve their problems and allow Kagome a better high school experience so that she could be a happy adult. Hopefully she would agree to her mother's idea...  
  
"Mama, you never answered my questions." Kagome's quiet voice brought Mrs. Higurashi out of her thoughts. She looked up at her daughter, not wanting to answer, but knowing that this was the only way.  
  
"Well, " she began carefully," Miroku is here for two reasons. One; to help me open this mail...." She trailed off...  
  
"And?" Kagome prompted, not liking the hesitance in her mother. "What's the other reason?"  
  
"The other reason has to do with all this mail. I needed some outside advice on a decision I've been toying with, and I knew that Miroku could help me."  
  
Kagome's eyebrows twitched at this, and she sat still, trying not to laugh. "Must be a big deal if you need MIROKU'S help." She said seriously as she could under the circumstances (which is to say she smirked).  
  
Mrs. Higurashi frowned at her daughter. "It all has to do with those awful rumors, sweetheart, and its no laughing matter. These letters are from outraged people from all over the town, Kagome! There are death threats in here!"  
  
Kagome froze, and this time the disbelief was plain on her face. "Over some sex-scandal rumors? C'mon, mom, it'll blow over. People gossip all the time! That doesn't mean they KILL each other over it."  
  
Mrs. Higurashi shook her head. "I don't think you understand, Kagome. There are threats in here, ones that promise action, and quickly. Today someone drove by and threw a rock into your room with a letter attached to it saying that they'd be back! Souta heard it this afternoon and hasn't come out of his room since! He's scared stiff for you, Kagome! I called Miroku over because I didn't know what to do! I need you safe from this thing until it DOES die down, and I need Souta safe, too."  
  
Kagome stared at her mother, her mouth fallen open as a sliver of fear cut through her. "They haven't done anything to you yet, have they?" The question came out slowly, painfully, and Kagome didn't really want the answer.  
  
Mrs. Higurashi looked down. "Not yet, but my boss has been talking to me about you a lot in the past few days, hinting at my job and about not wanting a---a taint in his office. "  
  
Kagome felt her eyes harden and her mouth set into a thin line. She'd gone very still, and very calm as she froze her wrath, tucking it away for later. They could threaten her and badger her and bruise her. She would take it; she'd done it before. But nobody, not ANYONE, threatened her family and got away with it! She'd felt sympathy for Kouga before. She'd even been willing to talk to him to work this.........issue...out. But not anymore. Now it was war, and she knew who'd win this one.  
  
"So what did you some up with?" She asked coolly, an eerie smile touching her lips. Mrs. Higurashi blanched, and resisted the urge to back away from that deadly smile.   
  
"Miroku owns a house out in the country that's been vacant for awhile. I think it would be best if you stayed there for the remainder of the summer while I sort things out and clear the air here. It's too dangerous for you to remain here, sweetie, and I can't sleep at night knowing your life is on the line! If you left for a little while...people might forget and go on with their lives. You know how fickle a mob is; one day they hate you, another day they love you.." She stopped, waiting for Kagome to protest, for a fight.  
  
All Mrs. Higurashi received was a quiet," I'll go." She looked up, stunned, and saw a game smirk on Kagome's face. "And when I get back," she pronounced every word carefully. "I'm going to cut off Kouga's balls and make him eat them." Kagome beamed at her mother. "Don't worry! They are just rumors, after all! Kill the source, and you stop it from spreading. "  
  
Mrs. Higurashi's smile almost fell at that comment, but she managed to hold it together as Miroku stepped into the doorway, a cucumber in hand and a bewildered expression on his face. Afternoon sunlight filtered from the window behind him, silhouetting his lithe form.   
  
"Kagome, this cucumber is fucking huge."  
  
She nearly face vaulted onto the rug.   
  
He continued to look bewildered as he handled the thing. "I mean, jeeze, this has to be over a foot long! What were you planning to DO with this thing, anyway??!"  
  
Kagome started twitching again, and she was nearly on her feet, her fingers hooked into claws. "Miroku...."  
  
He smirked at her, giggling. "I mean, "snort giggle" its no wonder they say those things about you! Just LOOK at it! It's HUGE!"  
  
She pounced on him, yanking it from his grasp. "Pervert!" she howled, and jabbed him with the gi-normous cucumber.  
  
"Ack! Don't touch me with that thing! I could loose my precious virginity that way! Ack! Stop! Kagome! Don't poke me there! Noooooo! Hey! STOP!"  
  
  
  
  
  
************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Authors note:: **coughs** ahem...well, its done! Don't you just love comic relief? I got a little too serious at the end part...at least, as serious as I could get under the circumstances. I do admit that its outrageous that such awesome fury and shock was developed by mere rumors, but hey, they're horrible things that inspire fear and disgust in the hearts of innocent townsfolk! It's scary stuff! Anyway, review review! Hehehehehe. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I have no idea when the next one will be up. Soon, I think. Oh, and sorry for any grammatical errors. I was too impatient to make it perfect. So bear with me. 


	3. Getting ThereDay 1

Authors note: this took way too long to begin. Sorry about that. Notice how I don't know any Japanese names past the original characters. **grins** only the cars are Japanese in this story!!!! Mwahahahaha.  
  
Disclaimer: Inu-Yasha may be my bitch, but I don't own him. Rumiko Takahashi is the master pimp. Sadly, I am only a customer.  
  
  
OUR HOUSE  
Chapter 2: "Getting There--DAY 1"  
  
It turned out that they left later that night. Miroku made a few phone calls that resulted in a discreet set of hired men who breezed through the Higurashi household, saying nothing to the family past a few murmured words to their employer as they went. Kagome's belongings were swiftly placed in a moving van, and the girl quietly said her goodbyes to a tearful mother and sleepy brother. When the time finally came, Miroku informed her that they would be leaving in his Subaru, his argument being that her old car couldn't make the journey.  
  
Kagome frowned at the sleek car. It sat there bathed in bright moonlight, the deep red color of old blood. It looked threatening, even quiet and sublime as it was. She looked back doubtfully at her Toyota. It looked small and hopeful in the driveway, and it WAS a reliable car. But the more she looked at it the more she realized that it would not make a journey of a length that Miroku had described. It was out of state far into the country, probably a good two days drive... She winced at this. God, two days in a car with Miroku. She stifled her uneasiness violently. There was no going back now. The movers were already leaving. At this point she HAD to go. Her upper lip curled up. But two days...in a car...with only MIROKU.  
  
She shook here head. She was being ridiculous. It couldn't be THAT bad...could it? Kagome watched her cousin as he stretched, scratched his side, and opened the passenger seat of his car. She tilted her head to the side and stared at him as he turned and blew her a kiss. What was she thinking? This was going to be hell.  
  
A glint of metal in the moonlight shot toward her, and she caught it reflexively. Her hand stung when she caught it, and she opened her palm to see a set of keys. She blinked. "Miroku, why are you giving the keys to me? "She hissed as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake any of the neighbors and evoke some new hatred of her.   
  
He sat languidly in the passenger seat and smiled at her pleasantly. "You're driving, sweetheart." He shut the door and leaned the seat back.  
  
Kagome gaped at him, hoping that he would turn around and tell her he was joking. He was joking, right? "Miroku, I don't know how to get there. And it's YOUR house! Shouldn't you be driving ME?"  
  
He let out a loud contented sigh and leaned back further, slinging his arm over his eyes and feigning sleep. Kagome stared at him, her bottom lip jutted out as she contemplated his death. She stood there stupidly, waiting for him to look up, and did so for a good five minutes before she realized that he wasn't going to budge. She thought about simply yanking him out of the passenger seat and taking his place, but that idea seemed to loud and they were trying to get AWAY as fast as possible. It was as anti-productive as just standing there hoping he'd give. She brooded for a while before a horrible, evil smile curved her lips, and a very happy Kagome marched around the side of the car and got inside. She was still smiling when she put the key in the ignition and turned on the car. It rumbled to life, practically purring. Kagome's smile broadened. Well, if it was war he wanted, it was war he'd get.  
  
"Miroku, I'll need directions, you know. As I've never been there and all."  
  
The sweetness in her voice made him sit up and peer at her suspiciously. But she only beamed at him and gave him an encouraging look. He frowned and stared at her, but her smile never wavered. "Just get on the five and stay on it until you reached a fork, then take the northeast and stay on that. I'll tell you were to go from there."  
  
Kagome nodded perkily, put the car in gear, and began her drive.  
  
******  
  
  
It took a good three hours just to get to that first fork, and then another two before Miroku gave her any other instructions. And with those last ones, he informed her that it would be another good, solid hour of driving before she'd need more.  
  
Soft jazz music and the warm scent of coffee filled the car as the night wore on. Kagome was driving with a mad intensity that kept Miroku on edge for the first two hours, and for awhile all he could do was stare at the headlights cutting through the darkness of the empty highway as they went deeper into the countryside. But as time passed and it got later, his eyelids began to droop and the scent of coffee lulled him in to a light doze.  
  
Kagome glanced over at her cousin and saw his eyes droop shut. She kept her eyes facing straight as she smiled evilly. Now he would pay.  
  
With the quiet subtly of one who had practiced at such things, she very gently added pressure to her foot on the gas pedal. The speedometer shot up to 65 mph quickly, and she glanced at Miroku to make sure he was still in a light doze. When she saw that he was still oblivious to her scheme, and steadily becoming more so, she added more pressure and watched with grim satisfaction as she sped to 70 mph. The engine made no sound past the usual purr, and she silently thanked Subaru for its sound manufacturing.   
  
She glanced at Miroku again and her evil smile broadened. Oh, yes, he was just asleep enough for this. Biting her lip in anticipation, she jerked the wheel sharply to the left to that the car swerved violently. Miroku sat up with a start, gasping in oxygen and blinking rapidly. "What was that?!"  
  
"Sorry, just a bump in the road." She explained sympathetically, her voice dripping sincerity as she smoothed out the course of the car.   
  
Miroku eyed her wearily, and stared at the road ahead. It wasn't perfectly paved and DID look a little shabby. It was entirely possible that there HAD been a bump in the road. But there was something about the sincere way she'd said it, and how her voice showed no sign of temperament when she had been so agitated at first when he'd told her she had to drive. Still, Kagome was an overall sweet girl. And though his nose was swollen from her punch, it was not too bad a break...more of a bruising...and would heal soon enough. Convinced that his cousin wasn't truly capable of terrorizing him, he settled back down into sleep.  
  
Kagome smirked when she heard Miroku's soft snore. Oh, the poor, unsuspecting fool. She almost felt sorry for him. Almost. She swerved again, even more violently this time, and let out a loud curse just as Miroku bolted up in his seat with a yell. "What the hell was that???"  
  
"Another goddamn speed bump! This is such a crappy road! They really need to get it fixed!" She said emphatically, and added a scowl for good measure. He clutched his seat but nodded in agreement. He glanced at her several times before he leaned back in his seat again and attempted to settle his jangled nerves.  
  
Suddenly the car swerved again, nearly tipping this time. The coffee went soaring onto Miroku's shirt and he howled. "God! Kagome, what the hell are you doing?!!"  
  
The engine revved and they zoomed onward in the darkness. Miroku clutched his seat. "Nothing, "Kagome purred soothingly. "There's just so many damned bumps in the road." And to emphasize her point, she jerked the car left again.  
  
"What are you talking about??? I don't see anything!!!" His voice was high and frantic, and Kagome reveled in it.  
  
"Sure there are. See, there's one." The car lurched to the right, slamming Miroku into the door. "And, oh, look. Another!" She pulled a 360 on the road. "Whoops. Lost control, there." She apologized, and to make up for it, jerked the car to a near grinding halt that sent her cousin's head banging against the dashboard. She put the car in gear again and drove on. ""Oops, sorry about that, Miroku. You really should wear your seatbelt. Can't predict oil spills like that all the time. Especially as its so dark and all."  
  
Groaning, he clutched his pounding head. "Oil spills?" He stuttered. "There was an oil spill?"  
  
"Of course! I couldn't have done that little stunt by myself, you know. I mean, since when do I know how to drive like that?" Her voice was dripping sincerity the way a snake drips venom. Her voice was a hard thing to fight against, so sweet and soothing. It lulled him into trusting her.   
  
"Oh, I know you couldn't do it, Kag. Just be careful, okay? This road seems dangerous."  
  
He missed the insane light in her eyes. Couldn't do it, could she? Well she'd show him......  
  
Her mouth settled into a grim line as she suddenly served the car all over the road, switching gears and handling the car like a pro. Miroku was shrieking now, a high, keening wail, and his screams of fear only got louder when he caught sight of a large truck heading toward them. "Kagome, maybe you should let me drive!!!!" He squeaked as she drove into the lane of the truck and began a game of chicken. She floored the pedal, her hands tight on the wheel.  
  
"Why, Miroku? I've got it."  
  
"Kagome!!! YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!!" He was clawing at the door now, and his heart dropped into his stomach when he found it locked. "DON'T GO FASTER, DAMMIT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SLOW DOWN! HEY! SLOW DOWN! KAGOME, THAT CAR IS GOING TO HIT US----"  
  
"What car, Miroku? I don't see a car." Her voice was so pleasant, so calm, that Miroku paused in his ranting and gaped at her. "I see a truck, not a car."  
  
His mouth fell open and fear clawed at his insides. "Kagome, you need to get back in our lane." His voice was thick with terror, and his bladder was contracting painfully. He would not wet himself. He would not wet himself.  
  
She widened her eyes so that her face twisted into a mask of sweetness and she beamed at her cousin. "We are in the right lane." Her smile was so feral, so predatory, that Miroku started to shriek again.  
  
"NO YOU'RE NOT MOVE INTO THE OTHER LANE YOU'RE IN THE WRONG ONE I DON'T WANT TO DIE I DON'T WANT TO DIE I DON'T WANT TO DIE I DON'T WANT TO DIE I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
The truck was honking at her to move out of the way now. They were close, so close. Closer, closer.........  
  
Kagome jerked the wheel to the side, veering left so sharply she almost lost control, and the truck zoomed by.  
  
Becoming the embodiment of calm, Kagome slowed the car and continued on casually as if nothing had happened. Miroku was frozen in his seat, mumbling incoherently as steam rose from the front of his pants. Well, look at that. He'd gone and wet himself.  
  
Smiling happily, Kagome pulled into a pit stop and drove into the parking lot of the hotel Marriott just as the sun peeked over the horizon. The lush countryside sparkled in the early morning, the sun glinting off of dew-drenched trees and gardens. Kagome parked, turned off the car, and got her bag out of the trunk, still smiling to herself and humming. She opened the door for Miroku and stepped back as he spilled onto the pavement, then marched smartly through the sliding doors. The clerk, who had been in the throws of extreme boredom, sat up straight at the sight of very pretty, very HAPPY woman walking toward him with bags in hand.  
  
"Uh, he-hello. How can I help you, ma'am?" He stuttered. It was too early in the morning for the clerk to be very suave, but somehow he managed to be charming and Kagome directed her smile at him. He melted into a puddle of little hearts under that concentrated gaze.  
  
"I need two rooms, please." She said politely, her smile deepening as she leaned onto the counter.   
  
He numbly tapped the keys of his computer a couple times before blinking at her. "T-two, did you say? Sorry, I've been working all night so I just need to make sure."  
  
"Oh, its no problem." She turned as the automatic doors hissed behind her. Her very disoriented cousin stumbled through the doors of the fancy waiting room, a large, dark stain beginning on the front of his shirt to the crotch of his pants, and then down his left leg. When he collapsed into a chair, groaning, the strong scent of urine wafted across the room and into the clerks nose. He coughed, jerked, and his eyes watered. Kagome smiled apologetically. " The other room is for my cousin. He has a sort of bladder problem." She leaned over and whispered the last part. The clerk, his face frozen in horror, only nodded and took her credit card when she passed it to him. He handed her back her card and two other cards for the rooms, and squeaked out a brief 'hope you enjoy your stay', before fleeing into the back room.  
  
Kagome beamed again before she sauntered toward her cousin and motioned for him to follow. "Come on, puppy. Time for bed."   
  
Her smile of satisfaction stayed with her even as she drifted off into a very happy, deep sleep.  
  
  
  
**********  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Authors note: and there it is. Kagome got a little psychotic in it, but hey, she just had to leave her home because of some jealous ex and then drive for two days with MIROKU! She's entitled to a little female fury, don't you think?....well, okay, maybe its just my own insanity that makes me think so...hey! Wait! I'm not insane!   
Ahem, well, the next part should be up soon so don't murder me. Don't worry; she WILL eventually get to the house, I promise. :) Hope you liked this one! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! (just because it makes me happy) please please review! 


	4. Getting There Day 2

((authors note:: this took way to fucking long to get up. My apologies))  
  
Disclaimer: I wonder how many chapters I have to do before the people who actually want to sue me figure out that I am making no claim to Inu-yasha. He's not mine, dammit! You don't have to rub it in my face! **shakes fist and mutters incoherent curses** bah. Now my ego's all bruised. Oh, well. La. Read on  
  
  
  
  
  
OUR HOUSE  
Chapter 4: Getting There Day 2  
  
Kagome awoke to darkness. At first she was disoriented, and mentally kicked herself for being an insomniac. She could never get through a night without waking up at least three times, and it had gotten so bad that if she DIDN'T wake up she felt cheated. It was as if waking several times a night reassured her that she had actually slept. Grumbling, she rolled over, kicking off a small mountain of blankets, to stare at the clock. It was 2:30. Good god. What the hell was wrong with her?  
  
She lay there for a long time, trying to fall back asleep. The bed was so comfy and big, and there was a multitude of blankets at her disposal for nesting. Time passed, and she drifted in and out of a light doze, but never fully managed to go back to sleep. At 3:00 Kagome's back started to ache; the usual sign that her body didn't want to sleep anymore. She frowned into her pillow. Why the hell didn't her body want to sleep in the fucking morning???  
  
Annoyed, she violently shoved the blankets off of her and stepped over the side of her bed------and into a table. She blinked in the darkness, a sinking feeling nagging at her. She didn't have a table right next to her bed at home...  
  
Kagome climbed back onto her bed and over the mountain of blankets until she reached the other side. She reached out a hand to touch the wall beside her bed and ended up falling onto a carpet. Fear clogged her throat as Kagome picked herself up, rubbing the elbow she'd scraped. Where was she?  
  
She crawled around the bed, feeling her way around until she reached the edge of what felt like a curtain. The fact that there was such a big curtain there spooked her even more. Holding onto the rough fabric, she climbed to her feet and felt her way across the curtain until she reached a break. She squared her shoulders against her fears, gripped the edge of the curtain, and yanked it back.   
  
Brilliant light flooded into her room, washing away the darkness. Kagome gave a little squeak of surprise and fell on her butt, spots dancing in front of her eyes at the sudden light. "And He said, let here be light, and so it was, and it was good." She murmured dryly as her head reeled. Let there be light...lots and lots of fucking light at 3 a.m.   
  
Which meant that it wasn't morning; it was afternoon.   
  
Kagome blinked her sore eyes several times, and then opened them wide to take in her surroundings. She was in a hotel room. For a moment she was confused before her memory returned, and when it did she fell back onto the carpet with a loud sigh. So much for being at home.  
  
She lay there, tracing the creases in her pajama shirt, and reviewed her predicament. Kouga came to mind and she frowned. Damn his stupid little insecurities. She made a face at the cream-colored walls and rolled over on her side, hating how her temperament rebelled and sadness crept up on her. She couldn't help it, though. Kagome remembered what it felt like to be with him, how it felt to tangle around him in some sweat-soaked embrace as they devoured each other. Or even better; as he devoured her. Kouga was like a consuming force, violent and charged with spontaneous energy. That wild quality was what had originally attracted her to him. He was exciting and vivid, and being around him took her breath away. But there was rage with that super-charged energy. He'd be happy and beaming one moment, and then snarling and angry the next. And he would direct that violence toward her. She knew he'd had a bad past with his family, and even that he was involved with a gang, but somehow those things hadn't mattered. Kagome was ashamed to admit now that she'd actually thought she could fix him, that she could be the one who calmed his storm. But he became a baby-sitting gig that she wasn't getting much out of, and the turbulent six-month relationship came to a very abrupt end when he hit her.   
  
Kagome smiled grimly at the memory. He had been in one of his moods when he'd done it, and he'd struck her across the face good and hard when she'd told him that he was acting like a child when he'd pushed her too far. Kouga got a vicious, and very visible, bruise of his own. And if he was ever able to have children after her parting shot, she would be very surprised.  
  
He got his revenge, though. He finally found a safe weapon that would thoroughly screw up her life, and now she had to leave town. Kagome would have preferred to just shoot him after giving him a thorough beating, but her mother's job and her brother's safety were at stake. She wouldn't endanger them over some petty revenge. But he'd pay for this. She would NOT live in fear. And if she saw him on the street some sunny day, she wouldn't hesitate to run him over.  
  
Kagome unclenched her fists and sat up, pushing masses of thick black hair out of her face. And now she was stuck with Miroku for two days.   
  
She stopped running her hands through sleep-tangled hair and stared at the bed thoughtfully. A slow, steady laugh bubbled up from her throat, morphing into a   
chuckle and then into devious laughter as the past night's events returned to her.   
  
Kagome walked into the bathroom with a dreamy, pleased expression on her face, and she chuckled all the way into the shower.  
  
__________________________________________  
  
  
Steam rose in great billowing clouds that pressed up against the ceiling of the charming hotel bathroom. Its walls were slick with water, and the air was chokingly thick with moisture. A dark, looming figure eased into the bathroom, opening and closing the door quickly to keep the heat in so as not to alarm the current occupant of the shower. The intruder's face was shadowed, and in his hand he held an indistinct object. He edged closer.  
  
The woman in the shower (a luscious, unsuspecting maiden) was singing in a lovely voice. Her singing turned into a hum as she turned the water off, and still humming, she jerked the shower curtain open, feeling refreshed and happy.  
  
Kagome turned and stared at her cousin standing in front of her in the bathroom. Her eyes widened, and she was stunned into immobility. Miroku smirked as he raised a bucket he was holding. "Good morning, sunshine." He smirked, and hurled the contents of the bucket at her.  
  
Downstairs, a clerk named Hibiki looked up from his crossword puzzle when he thought he heard screaming. He paused from his game, straining to hear it again. But no sound came. He shook his head and went back to his game. Maybe it was time he got his hearing checked...   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
((end note:: I am so sorry that this chapter is so short and so anti-climatic. I'm disgusted with myself that this took so long and that it ended up so short after I stressed over it for a while fucking week. Ah, well. My apologies. At least now she'll get to the house quicker. **sighs** bah.)) 


	5. High Noon

Authors note:: hey, I'm really sorry this took so long to be put up. My boyfriend broke up with me a little while ago and I was dealing with it..my brain fried temporarily but it seems to have regenerated enough that I got this next chapter out and I actually have pseudo plans for future chapters. Usagi-you have my apologies for not mailing you then next chapter. I really don't know how to send a story by the email. I'm hopeless that way...^^;;; Also, I greatly appreciate the reviews and that you readers want to be informed when I update...but in order to tell you I need to get your actual EMAIL addresses. If you don wanna give me that, just put me on the alert thingie and you'll be informed when I update. Anyways, on to the chapter that took me too fucking long to write. :) erm...a word of warning..i seem to have used a lot of swear words in this. Those of delicate dispositions-BE WARNED.  
  
WARNING: This story is sometimes base, and not meant to be elegant or perfect. I am merely expelling emotion..hence the weirdness. Just thought you'd like to know.  
  
Disclaimer:: Takahashi has all the whips and chains at her place----so the dog boy sleeps with her. *sighs*   
  
  
OUR HOUSE  
Chapter 5: HIGH NOON  
  
  
A hot air moved across the hillside, dragging behind it heavy clouds overburdened with rain. They churned and thundered ominously as they rolled across an innocent blue sky, scaring the bright day away. The damp air cloaked the land, turning the dense forest along the country highway dark and murky. Beneath the tormented sky a highway was slapped down smoothly along a rolling countryside, stretching like an impatient hand that was always reaching for something unknown that it would never grasp. A sole blood red car moved swiftly along the empty highway, cutting through the thickening air in an angry line of mechanical precision. The other cars that had once surrounded the one red car had all sped up to outrace the storm that was brewing. The air outside the car fairly crackled with expectancy----a result of the moody sky. Inside the car another sort of storm was hanging on the air. It did not bode well.  
  
"Kagome, you really shouldn't be mad. You know you had that coming. " Miroku was driving. He had refused to get into the car again if Kagome was to drive. They spent the better part of an hour arguing over it and glaring at each other until Miroku pointedly mentioned that the longer they stood there arguing the closer the angry villagers would come to hunting her down and committing her to the local convent so that she could dedicate her life to cleansing her soul of its adulterous taint. He'd temporarily saved his ass from the fierce beating he KNEW was coming, but after four hours of driving, the black, skin-curling looks she was sending him had worn down his courage and Miroku was now painfully aware that he was in the car with a VERY ANGRY FEMALE.   
  
Her glare intensified with his comment, and he shrank into his seat, his sweaty hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. He chewed his lip as his cousin continued to watch him with a distinctly predatory look, and he fought the urge to grovel at her feet for forgiveness. The tension in the car built and built until Miroku thought he would explode, and Kagome still said nothing. Without thinking, his foot pressed down onto pedal and they sped up to 90mph. Sweat beaded his upper lip under her unwavering stare. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her fingers hook into claws, and terror burst through him in a sudden rush.   
  
"Oh, come on!" he burst out." You scared the shit out of me last night!!! In the name of all terror-stricken humiliated males, I was OBLIGATED to avenge myself!!" She just stared at him with a gaze that was becoming more evil by the minute, and said nothing. Miroku started to panic.   
  
They zoomed down the highway as the sky grew steadily blacker. The trees whistled in their passing, angry intakes of breath that made them dance and tremble. He could feel her blue-grey eyes boring into him, felt her burning, unwavering gaze peeling away layer upon upon layer of his manly dignity and pride until he was very nearly left without any of it and was damn near to begging for her forgiveness---when he finally snapped. That last, flickering light of his pride suddenly flared into an overwhelming brilliance and he was illuminated in male ego. His fury was awesome and complete.  
  
Kagome's eyebrows rose slightly as an insane, unholy light filled her cousins eyes, and she clutched the armrest spasmatically. It took an uncomfortable amount of effort for her to release her death grip on the armrest, but when she managed to, Kagome's own female ego burned brilliantly beneath her skin and she smirked with an equally unholy insanity. All wrongs done to her by males in the past 72 hours laced their way through her mind, stoking the fires of Kagome-fury until she fairly gleamed with it. A male had hurt her. Miroku was a male. Therefore he should suffer. Resolved in her reasoning, the fires that fueled her pride and ego flared to a near uncontrollable level and she seethed. Her fury was terrifying and most certainly incomplete.   
  
A halo of wrath curled in the air above the car, steaming through the gleaming roof and enveloping the car in a blazing fireball of warring colors. Animals in the fields around the road fled as if the fires of hell bit at their heels, scattering far and wide---away from the road and the passing car. Animals can sense evil, after all. And what was brewing in the fancy Subaru was certainly malevolent.   
  
Going in the opposing direction of the blood red car was a bright green bus chalk-filled with happy nuns. They sang. They caroled. They toasted their good fortune and the glory of god in the undignified fashion their stern mother superior only allowed when they were on the road smiting the evils that roamed the never-ending stretch of highway. Painted along the side of the bus in bright gold lettering to contrast the green, were the words 'Holy Pacifiers', because dammit, those nuns kicked evil's ass and by god they knew it.  
  
Holy Body Guard Sister Mary Sango hummed along with the nuns cheerfully as she drove, smiling softly to herself. She had to admit that when her superior at the Vatican suggested she take this job with the Holy Pacifiers, she'd had her doubts. It sounded so..goody-two shoes. Definitely not her line of work. She went on the dangerous missions secretly protecting those na•ve little missionaries who believed that the lord would keep them alive and whole in the uncharted---and incredibly hostile-territories that they were so fond of cleansing. Her job was always to follow in stealth and illiminate any potential threats to the virginal priests whose sheltered lives had not prepared them for. The Church was determined to preserve that naivity come hell or high water, and when instances came up where bodyguards were needed, they called her, the ace up their sleeve. Sister Mary Sango was used to kicking serious ass in her line of work. Babysitting nuns had been an insult to her honor. Especially THESE nuns.   
  
ãI'm holier than you are."  
  
ãAre not. You're a sinner."  
  
ãI am SO holier than you are. God loves me more."  
  
ãhe does NOT! He loves ME."  
  
ãDoes not. I'm the most perfect nun. You're still a sinner."  
  
ã......Well, you're a dumb bitch."  
  
ãHah! And THAT'S why god loves me more, you ho!"  
  
ãSlut!"  
  
ãTrailer trash!"  
  
ãSkank!"  
  
ãButt pirate!"  
  
ãSHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!" A voice boomed from behind her. Sango winced, and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. Mother Superior Kaede had a very firm grasp over the more wily of her brood. At 55, swarthed in black cotton with only an angry scarred white face visible beneath her headdress, she was one formiddable nun.   
  
ãBut mother...."  
  
ãI said SHUT UP, Mary Joanna! I'm tired of this shit! I'm a fucking trying to take a NAP here! If you're going to profess your love of the lord then do it QUIETLY. And he loves you both EQUALLY, you twits, if at all, so SHUT YOUR FUCKING TRAPS!! GOT IT??" she roared in a 'wrath of God' mama voice.  
  
There was dead silence in the bus. Even the crickets were afraid to chirp.   
  
Red faced, Mother Kaede gave them the Evil Eye with her one good eye, snorted, and dozed off.   
  
((a/n: you know, I'm not even going to ATTEMPT to understand the directions this is going. At this point I am simply writing and seeing what happens next. God save your poor, unsuspecting souls.))  
  
Humming happily to herself, Sango leaned back in her seat with a contented smile on her face. Yup, this was just the vacation she needed.   
  
Sango twisted the volume up on the radio and began to sing along to her hearts content. ã Baby, now that I found you I can't let you go I built my world around you. I need you so baby even though you don't need me, you don't need me.ã  
  
((a/n::I do apologize for this.))  
  
Behind her, the younger nuns heard her soft voice, glanced nervously at the prone figure of Mother Kaede, and joined in with a full chorus filled with clapping hands and snapping fingers. ãbaa da da daaaaaa"  
  
Sango sang on. ãSpent a lifetime looking for somebody to give me love like you-uuu"  
  
ãoooooooooo" the nuns chorused in the background.  
  
ãnow you tell me that you wanna leave me. Well, darlin I just can't let you-u-ã  
  
ãI'M DUMB SHE'S A LESBIAN. I THOUGHT I HAD FOUND THE ONE. WE WERE GOOD AS MARRIED IN MY MIND BUT MARRIED IN MY MI-INDS NO GOOD!"  
  
Dead silence.   
  
The nuns stared at Mother Kaede, who, believe it or not, was still asleep despite the fact that she had just burst into song. Sango's eyes were wide as saucers as she swiveled around in her seat to get a quick glance. The Mother was still sleeping soundly, looking quite pleased with herself in a Quasemodo sort of way.  
  
Sister Mart Joanna stared her her Mother Superior, eyes huge. ãWoa. Mama's got the magic."  
  
((a/n:: I think I'm more confused about that comment than you guys are.))  
  
The bus settled down after that. Everyone was too freaked out to sing, and so they dispersed into groups and talked quietly amongst themselves about random nun-like things. An hour passed. The nuns played electric guitar and smoked out of a huge hookah to pass the time. Two hours passed.  
  
Sango sighed and sank deeper into her seat, bored out of her mind. She sighed again. Over one hundred miles and no bad demon's to smite. No demons or evilness anywhere. Just barren countryside. Damn.  
  
She drummed her fingers against the steering wheel and chewed her lip. Double damn.  
  
Another hour passed and Sango was about ready to ram the bus into a tree if something didn't happen soon. If she had to listen to Joanna and Helen one more time about who was holier than thou, she was gonna puke and kill them all in the process.  
  
A shiver of expectancy suddenly shot down her spine. Sango sat up in her seat, instantly alert. Her eyes were drawn to the horizen as the approached a hill. Something was coming towards them.   
  
A malicious smile curved her lips and her eyes glinted. ãAh, its showtime." She murmured to herself. ãBattle stations, girlies!" she shouted over her shoulder. ãWe've got one headed our way fast!"  
  
********  
  
  
The tension in the car would have given ulcers to a lesser man. It crackled and sizzled in a gut-churning manner that made the car go faster down that darkened highway with the sun vanquished above them a a heavy grey darkness reigning the earth.  
  
ãYou do not win you assclown!!!! I WIN!!!!!!"  
  
ãHey, you fucking butt bandit, you don't win SHIT! My silhouette is SO better than yours!"  
  
ãHELL, no! You don't fucking HAVE a silhouette, fatass!!! Lightning fucking ILLUMINATES the sky around mine!"  
  
ãThat's why mine is better than yours. My silhouette fucking PANCAKES your pansy-ass silhouete!!!!!"  
  
ãButt muncher!"  
  
ãCUNT!"  
  
ãPENCIL DICK!!"  
  
ãSHIT-FACED DRIED SEMEN EATER!!!!!!"  
  
It had been going on like that for hours.  
  
The evil silence Kagome had inflicted upon Miroku had ended when he crossed the line from groveling to jackass-dom and told her she was a prissy, stuck-up, ungreatful, bi***. An all-out name calling war had begun and was waged for the rest of the afternoon. They were running out of things to say at this point, resorting to only the most foul and unintelligable of insults.  
  
They had gone through the 'yo mamas' and the clever quips. They had chewed each other out with intelligent, subtle insults that had so many levels to a single phrase that years afterward college professors were still dissecting them and unconvering hidden meaning upon hidden meaning. Now there was nothing left but petty insults screamed out in stubborn rage, as niether refused to step down.   
  
Negative energy radiated from the car in rolling waves that scorched the road and left it fuming behind them. Animals were running in fear from the sides of the road and into the fields miles and miles away just to escape the evil power coming off the car, and it was STILL not far enough to truly avoid the taint that permeated the air. It haunted the fleeing animals' footsteps.  
  
ãWART INFESTED VAGINAL DISCHARGE!"  
  
ãYOU ARE THE SWEATY PATCH OF SKIN BETWEEN THE BALL SACK AND ASS HOLE!"  
  
Far up ahead, a green van peeked over the top of a hill. Screaming and ranting, it was only just in time that Miroku noticed the bright green van parked in the middle of the road. He screeched to a hault, saved from going through the windshield only by the well-tested Subaru seatbelts, made with assurance of the passengers safety.  
  
Kagome pushed her hair out of her eyes as she picked herself off the dashboard and peered out the windshield. ãWhat the hell..."  
  
One dozen nuns stood solem and proud before a bright green bus, their faces devoid of emotion. Ahead of the congregation two women stood. One was old and bent, but very, very frightening. The other was young and quite pretty, with a large, boomer-rang shaped object strapped to her back.   
  
((a/n:: I don't know why. Just go with it. **grimaces** why do I have a feeling I shouldn't put this chapter online??? don't hate me...please please please))  
  
ãWhat the-ã Miroku undid he seatbelt, wincing as he peeled it off his skin. A red burn mark remained in its place. He opened the door and stepped out of the car.  
  
ãhey! Where do you think you're going, jackass!" Kagome stormed, and swung her own door open after disentangling herself from the seatbelt of doom.  
  
They faced the collection of stoic nuns in a bickering silence, slightly mullified by the abrupt hault Miroku had been forced to make. It had, in effect, taken the wind out of their sails. Still, Kagome was quite consumed with enmity and was walking on the edge of a knife with her cousin. It did not bode well.'  
  
Miroku took a step forward, his spider senses cooing 'look, pretty womannnnnnnsssssssssssss'. Yes, he agreed. Pretty womans. Especially the one with the giant boomerang.  
  
Sango eyed the pair who emerged from the car. They didn't LOOK like demons. In fact, their auras were quite human. A frown puckered her forehead. And yet...such evil radiated from the two. A sense of great discomfort and enmity. So even if they WEREN'T evil, there was still some negativity to be smote. Her frown smoothed out and she braced herself as she eyed them. A young man who looked about 19 who was also sporting a swollen nose, and a young woman who looked 17. Both with black hair and fair skin, both attractive ( despite the man's nose). Both royally pissed.  
  
Ah, yes. She thought. THIS she could fix.  
  
One of the nuns behind her gasped. ãIt's the Priest!"  
  
Sango froze. She'd heard that name before somewhere...  
  
ãMother Kaede, it's the Preist! The one who the church ordained as our surrogate-God!"  
  
ãBlasphemy!" Mother Superior Kaede bellowed. ãI see no Priest!"  
  
Miroku and Kagome stood in wide-eyed bewilderment. Kaede could be very scary when she wanted to be...which was all the time.  
  
The nun who spoke stepped forward, undoing her headdress and letting her dark tresses fly free. ãOh, but he IS the Priest, Mother. He looks just like the picture the pope sent to us when the prophecy was confirmed. He's our Priest, all right. He's going to teach us how to please our God." She made the word 'Priest' sound like a very naughty word .Sango raised an eyebrow. The chit was a bit melodramatic... TO invoke the legendary 'Priest', a man who was prohesied to fulfill the needs of lonely nuns everywhere in an archane form they had forsworn from all but the God they were wedded to. He was said to purify their souls of all past blasphemies with his 'glorious life force', and the children born of him and the nuns would be holy indeed. That Sister Mary Joanna would invoke such a profecy and let down her hair---an act stricly forbidden to nuns unless they met the 'Priest' of legend or when they bathed and slept----was outrageous!  
  
The dark haird sexy nun thrust her bosom forward, batted her thick eyelashes, and pouted her red red lips. ãMake me good for God, Priest." She purred, and sauntered toward a dumbfounded (and blushing) Miroku.   
  
ãUm, um...hey...listen..uh, its not that I'm not greatful or anything...." He stuttered as she approached him. He opened his mouth to say something more, when Kagome suddenly started to giggle.  
  
ãAnd you...hehehe...you thought going to THEM...bwahahaha...would rid me of my.."snort giggle," ADULTEROUS TAINT?" she burst into helpless giggles, hugging her sides and leaning against the car as she gulped in air inbetween laughter. ãMan, were you off."  
  
The nuns all stared. Sango blinked. Miroku glared at her fiercely before he realized that the buxom nun was still approaching him murmuring endearments in that purring, sexy voice that was making his heart pound in his chest. He whipped back around to face the approaching nun and found her close to him. Too close. And licking her full red lips.He stumbled back. ãW-wait. Hold on a sec-ã  
  
ãWhats the matter, stud muffin?" Kagome taunted." A big strong man like you afraid of a little nun? I thought you were a stag, cous'. ã  
  
ãI AM A STAG, GODDAMMIT!"  
  
Silence replied to that comment. Kagome looked like she was going to start howling with laughter again. Two seconds later she nearly did, but Sango cut her off with a glare.   
  
ãBoth of you, be quiet!" she thundered. And they quieted. Sango could be scary, too. She narrowed her eyes at both of them, then she turned that piercing gaze to the wanton nun. ãMary Joanna!" she barked. ãGet your ass back in line! We have a job to do, dammit, Priest or no! So tuck your bosoms back in and bind your hair! We've got a demon to exercise!"  
  
Mary Joanna froze, blanched, and then blushed as she remembered herself. The whole effect left her very dizzy and she stumbled as she scurried back into place, her face beat-red and her hands shaking. The pot was finally wearing off.   
  
Sango turned her evil eye back to Miroku and Kagome, who stiffened in terror beneath the gaze. Behind the bodyguard, Mother Superior Kaede beamed with pride as best she could with her mauled features. The result was...mortifying, but nonetheless efficient.   
  
ãNow," Sango said, pulling her giant boomerang off her back. She pointed the thing at Miroku's chest. ãYou. Tell me what's going on. I sense some mighty mighty bad energy coming from your car. Demonic energy. What was it? Who are you hiding? WHAT are you hiding?"  
  
ãKagome,"Miroky replied with meticulous malice, ã Is a spoiled, ungreatful brat. I am taking her to my country house to hide her from her town and ex-boyfriend, and she nearly crashes us into a car---on purpose! Just to freak me out!"  
  
ãYou were making me drive!" Kagome cut in violently.  
  
ãI was doing you a favor, brat!"  
  
ãYou inconsiderate asshole, you were supposed to be saving me! I had a rough day!"  
  
ãYOU had a rough day?? You broke my nose!"  
  
ãYou deserved it! You grabbed my ass!"  
  
ãWell it's a nice ass!"  
  
ãThankyou!"  
  
Sango tilted her head slightly to the side and blinked. What the hell were they talking about? She opened her mouth to speak, but Kagome stepped forward, pushing past her cousin and nearly knocking him over in the process.   
  
She held out her hands to Sango as she explained. ãSee, my ex-boyfriend is spreading horrible rumors about me, rumors that ARE NOT true, but that people are believing and reacting violently to."  
  
ãWhat kind of rumors, child?" Mother Kaede asked.  
  
ãBAD rumors."   
  
ãYes, dear, but be specific."  
  
ãOkay, SEX rumors. He's telling people that I've done horrific nefarious deeds with multiple partners and occasional animals!"  
  
Mother Kaede held her stoic expression, but it was damned difficult."And people..ahem...are reacting VIOLENTLY, you say?" She had to cough several times to keep her emotions in.  
  
Kagome ran a hand through her hair, looking a little put out. ãYES. My mom was threatened to be fired from her job. My house was bombed with bricks with death threats stuck on them as warnings. People were talking about me in the grocery store!" she wailed the last bit.  
  
Sango's eyes widened. ãIn the GROCERY store?"  
  
Kagome nodded emphatically." In the grocery store! I overheard them. People who don't even know what I look like know my name and what I'm rumored to have done! It was horrible!"  
  
Miroku rolled his eyes. ãI bet.." he muttered.  
  
ãShut up, you." She snapped, and then turned back to her audience, who were still listening attentatively and schooling their expressions. ãMy mother called Miroku because he's rich and a cousin, and asked him to take me out of town for a month of two until the air cleared up. And then when we were ready to go he made me drive!"  
  
Sango was confused. ãAnd?"  
  
ãAnd I was in a state of emotional upset!"  
  
Sango tried not to sigh. ãOkay..so?"  
  
ãSO she played a game on chicken on the freeway that nearly got us killed and scared the shit out of me!" Miroku burst out, looking furious and charming in his disgruntled state.  
  
ãAnd you peed your pants." Kagome chimed in, looking deviously pleased with herself.  
  
Miroku turned crimson. This time the battle not to laugh nearly killed Sango. She barely made it. The corner of her mouth twitched. She cleared her throat. ãANYway?"  
  
Miroku suddenly was sporting a smug smile of his own. ãSO I got revenge on her the next morning. I dumped a bucket of chilled guacamole on her when she finished her shower."  
  
Sango's eyes flew open and there were titters of laughter from the other nuns.   
  
Mother Kaede just looked furious."You did what?" she asked in a voice that was deathly devoid of emotion.  
  
He paled. ãI...I dumped chilled guaca...mole...on her when she finished her nice, hot shower." His voice trembled as he fought to keep his pride. He'd be dammed if he would be de-manned by this ancient ogre nun.  
  
ãYou fucking bastard."Kagome muttered, arms folded under her breasts." It took me two hours to get it out of my hair. I'll get you back, Miroku. I can stay up later than you." She hissed the last bit venomously. Her cousin looked positively ghoulish at that point. He swallowed.  
  
Sango pinched the bridge of her nose. ãAnd so the negative energy was...?"  
  
ãHer FEMALE evilness." Miroku muttered.  
  
ãAnd his idiotic man-pride."Kagome added.  
  
Sango eyed both of them. ãAh. I see. ãshe said. She turned to the Mother Superior, raising her brows in inquiry.  
  
Mother Kaede nodded her head solemly.  
  
Sango smiled. ãAlright then."she said crisply. ãwell." She walked toward Miroku and Kagome, who were standing nearly side-by-side. He stared at her in an intense way that was disconcerting. Kagome was looking at the bus and plotting her revenge.  
  
Sango raised her trusty boomerang. She bonked them both on the heads, knocking them out efficiently. ãDemon, come out." She said primly, and then sheathed her boomerang as they fell to the ground in a heap.  
  
She flicked a hand at the nuns. ãAlright, girls, hook up the car to the back and pull these two inside. ã She pointed to two pale-faced young nuns. ãYou two, find the directions to this house he was taking her to. The rest of you get back in the bus.Get to it!" she barked. Then nuns scurried.  
  
Mother Kaede walked up to her and they watched the nuns carry the two limp bodies into the bus and load up the car. ãI love it when a plan comes together. ãShe murmurred pleasantly to her bodyguard. ãDon't you?"  
  
Sango nodded, a smile twisting her lips. ãYup."  
  
They got back into the van just as a silver sheen of ran began to fall.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
((a/n:: @_@ I'm not even going to pretent to understand where that came from. The deep recesses of my mind vomited up some strange plotline that makes no sense. I am so so sorry that this chapter was so sucky. Hopefully the next one will come out faster and better. Good christ, I can't believe I just wrote that nonsense. This is what happens when I'm depressed and need to write a humor fic. Violence, bad langauge, and utter weirdness. Wah. I suck.)) 


	6. attack of the killer nuns

Authors Note: ahh, you crave the romance, yes? For the reviewers that are getting cranky from the lack of hot monkey sex, I'm here to tell you---that there won't be any!!!! Mwahahhaahahahahahahaha! Nah, actually, I was just getting you guys used to the characters. I hate rushing into a fic and then the characters are suddenly in love and they keep changing so that I'm all confused and blinking at the screen and saying 'but..but...but...but'. So I took my time with the first few chapters. And I'll never admit that I didn't know what was going to happen next as my reason for taking so long with introducing our handsome heros. ... Never fear, trusting readers, you'll get your hot monkey sex. SOON. Alright, enough of that. On to my blather.  
  
WARNING: This story is sometimes base. It's not meant to be perfect or elegant, as I am merely expelling emotion. Hence the weirdness....Damn my urge to write. Anyways, just thought you should know.  
  
Disclaimer: **scowls** rubbing in the fact that I don't own inu-yasha is NOT gonna get you on my good side, so piss off!  
  
  
  
  
  
OUR HOUSE  
Chapter 6: attack of the killer nuns  
  
  
  
Sessho-maru's first impression of his client was that the man looked very drained. His face was pale and drawn, eyes bruised and shadowed. His skin was covered in rose-bruises, a network of intimate evidences. To top it off, his nose looked oddly...broken. And beneath all the hollowness was a truly terrified man.  
  
."Priest! Priest, don't go away! It's Sister Carolines turn!! PRIEST! We NEED you!"   
  
A woman was calling him from inside the bus. Miroku's bruised eyes widened, and Sessho-maru heard him gasp painfully before he stumbled away from the bus and collapsed against a waiting Sessho-maru. He caught the smaller man and gazed down at him."Miroku, what's going on?"  
  
Miroku stared up at him, mouth gaping like a fishes, terror splashed plain on his face."Sessho, don't let them get me. PLEASE. They're DEMON WOMEN! They all want to be impregnated!!! ALL OF THEM!" his voice had risen to a keening wail. He grasped Sessho-maru's collar and clutched it in claw-like hands."I can't perform like that! I need time to recover! They're RAVENOUS BEASTS just waiting to DEVOUR ME!!!" he ranted desperately. Sessho-maru's eyeborws shot up, and he fought to contain his expression.  
  
."Miroku," he said calmly."What are you talking about? And who is this priest?"  
  
."The NUNS!" He cried."They want to drain me dry! And they think I'M their legendary Priest, the only man in the history of time that they can have sex with! Even the MOTHER SUPERIOR had a go!"  
  
He tried. He really did. He spent all his willpower on it, but in the end, resistence was futile. Sessho-maru giggled. And once he started, he couldn't stop.   
  
With a sickly Miroku in his arms shivering and gasping and sobbing about 'demonic nuns', Sessho-maru, owner of half of the Shikon City and Western Lands Inc., burst into helpless giggles.  
  
And Miroku, the poor man, was reduced to helpless mutterings.  
  
When Sessho-maru had gotten ahold of himself, two more figures emerged from the hideous green bus. First was a tall, dark haired woman in black jeans and a black sweater. She was dressed casually, but judging by her stance and quiet way of moving, she was much more dangerous than she appeared. She somehow commanded respect, and he found himself straightening in her presence. They assesed each other for several drawn moments, before she nodded and turned her attention to the whimpering mass of man in his arms. She smirked ,then, and all the tension was suddenly gone, leaving him slightly disoriented.  
  
The second figure was another woman, slightly younger and smaller, with a wilder, more natural look. Where the other was sleek and toned, this one was edgy and tussled. Her hair was in a wild, dark mane that shimmied down her shoulders in random waves, curls, and streams. Most of it was flopped on to the side and covered half her face so that only one bright blue eye was visible. She was dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a black tee-shirt with a penquin on the front and the words 'I wish I could fly' scrawled beneath the creature. She yawned hugely, stretching her arms above her head in abandon, and trooped out of the bus and onto the dirt road. Shoulders slumped, she trudged up beside Sango and pushed her hair out of her face, revealing a lovely collection of features. She saw Miroku and grinned even as she yawned again. She noticed Sessho-maru and remembered to cover her mouth for the yawn. But that was the only recognition he got. It amused him.  
  
The first woman walked up to him and gazed down at Miroku, her eyes dancing."I think we should bring him inside and feed him something. He looks half-dead."  
  
The second woman came up beside the first and grinned, white teeth flashing with her wolfish, and surprisingly sweet, smile."Poor cousin. Guess he wasn't as up to the task as he thought."  
  
The first woman grinned."Kagome, that is an awful thing to say. He really didn't know what he was up against. It was actually kind of impressive. He got through half of them."  
  
The one called Kagome shuddered."God, I can just imagine. Little Miroku-spawn running around in nine months. I bet all those women are fertile, too." She shook her head."Ick, a busful of willing, impregnable, VIRGINS. All ripe and now..."she gagged."Nevermind. I don't want to think about it."  
  
The first woman chuckled, and Kagome scowled. The first woman turned her gaze to Sessho-maru. She smiled."You must be Sessho-maru. I'm Sango, formally known as Holy Bodygaurd Sister Mary Sango. Sango will do, if you like. Here, let me take him."  
  
She reached over and disentangled Miroku from Sessho-maru's shirt. With a surprising strength she lifted the man as delicately as she would a baby and carried him up the path towards the house."Is the door open?" she called over one shoulder.  
  
Sessho-maru laughed."Yes, just go right in and leave him on the couch for now."  
  
."Thanks." was her reply. Which left him alone with the other woman, Kagome.  
  
She looked up at him, hands in her pockets, and smirked good-naturedly."You work with my cousin?" she asked.  
  
."Who, Miroku? Yeah, from time to time. He's letting me stay here while I take my vacation. He told me you were coming." So this was the pretty cousin that he was to keep an eye on. She didn't look like she needed much keeping. Or that she'd accept it.   
  
."He told me you'd be here."She replied, and then sighed."You won't need to baby-sit me or anything. I doubt we'll get into each others way much. I just need to know where everything is, and then I'll be fine."  
  
He smiled at her, and turned, motioning for her to follow."I don't doubt that." He said teasingly, and a slight smile blossomed on her lips.  
  
  
((a/n:: alright, enough of this fluff. I'm tired of writing about them gazing deeply into each others eyes. Fuck that. I need some mayhem. Prepare yourselves.))  
  
  
."Where did he GOOO!!!????" a woman wailed. Kagome jumped and leapt behind Sessho-maru. He turned around to face the bus and stared.  
  
."Oh, God. Not again. They can't possibly want him AGAIN, can they??" Kagome shuddered and peeked over his shoulder, her hair tickling his nose when he tried to look at her.  
  
."What, whats going on? Why are you hiding behind me? Who is that?"  
  
She buried her face into his back, catching him off guard so that he nearly lost his balance. Good christ, what was going on??"It's a NUN." She whispered."They all want hot Miroku sex. Its horrible."  
  
He blanched."You're kidding? You ARE kidding, right?"  
  
."Noo." she wailed, and cringed at the sound of something being thrown around inside and gasping when the whole bus shook and wove."OH, crap, they're going to get out!"  
  
Sessho-maru was confused."Wha-wha...hey! Where are you going?? Kagome!" The girl had taken off toward the bus and slammed the door shut, bolting it and then jamming rocks and grass into the seams. Completely confused, he jogged up to her and began to help. No sooner had they sealed it did the pounding start. The bus shook.   
  
."Priest!" came a plaintive wail from inside."Darling Priest! We are ready again for your blessed organ! Priest, come back! We NEED you!"  
  
."Blessed WHAT??" Sessho-maru asked, mortified.  
  
Kagome grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the bus, horror etched across her face."Come on! We need to get Miroku to a safe place! That won't hold them for long!"  
  
They ran up the path and into the house, pulled by a frantic feeling that they were being hunted by something very evil and not at all sane."Kagome---hey.."he began anxiously.  
  
She cut him off."Where can we hide him? There has to be a place where we can keep him safe until Sango takes care of THEM." She shuddered at the word. Sessho-maru could only stare at her, mouth open. She shook him helplessly before deeming him hopeless and shrieked for Sango. The woman instantly appeared at the kitchen door.  
  
."What is it?" she asked, concerned at the panic on the younger girls' face.  
  
."It's the nuns, Sango. They're after him."  
  
Sango's face contorted as she struggled not to grin."Kagome, they're not going to---what the HELL??"  
  
The sound of glass shattering and the pounding of feet and feminine shrieking filled the air."PRIEST! I need to be CLEANSED!!!!!"  
  
."Make me good for God, Priest!"  
  
."We NEED you!"  
  
The rest were just a feminine chorus of his name, and the sound of pushing and shoving in their eagerness.  
  
Kagome gave a little shriek of her own and bolted for the living room. Sango and Sessho-maru stared at each other for a moment.  
  
."Lock the door."She ordered.  
  
He nodded, and complied. And just in time. About twenty nuns slammed up against it the instant he had it locked. He leapt back, eyes wide and heart beating frantically."Oh my God..."  
  
Sango nodded grimly."Indeed."  
  
."WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!!!!!!" the both turned at the frantic voice and saw Kagome running in crazed circles around the living room with an unconcious Miroku thrown over one shoulder, his head bobbing against her back. The weirdness and hilarity of this did not escape them, but in the next instant the front door burst open and a stream of eager (and, frighteningly enough, HORNY) nuns, erupted in, knocking man and bodyguard aside as they charged toward their assumed savior. Kagome actually screamed in fright and bolted out the (conviently placed) back door. She was sprinting toward the woods now with a hoard of nuns at her heels clawing at each other and the air in front of them as they fought for their beloved 'vessel'.  
  
."STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY COUSIN!" Kagome commanded, running as fast as she could and outmanuvering them as they attempted to corner her."HE'S TIRED, DAMMIT! LET HIM TAKE A BREAK BETWEEN HUMPINGS!!!"  
  
She dodged behind a lone tree and was scrambling away when someone caught hold of a part of Miroku and yanked, sending her sprawling backwards. She scrambled for her cousin as the nuns swooped in and began to tear at his clothes. Kagome lunged, knocking them aside, and saved him just in time to be dogpiled by the whole lot, buried beneath a squirming mass of panting women.  
  
  
((a/n:: O____O ))  
  
  
A gunshot rang out in the clear morning air. Everyone froze.  
  
One tussled, and half naked, nun, glanced up dazedly to see a VERY. ANGRY. SANGO, and shrank back. The bodygaurd was standing, feet apart, with an enormous rifle held in one hand pointed skywards.  
  
."That's ENOUGH!" she roared. The nuns quivered and began to slide off the pile and onto the grass. Sango's eyes flashed lightening and her rage was awesome to behold."YOU LITTLE FUCKERS HAVE HAD YOUR FILL FOR ONE DAY! The idea is to PURIFY YOUR SOULS, not drain one poor man dry! It is a GIFT and an HONOR to be purified by such a one! You have NO RIGHT to demand your salvation of him! So GET THE FUCK AWAY YOU UNGREATFUL LITTLE SLUTS! I WILL NOT have you indulging your HORMONAL URGES upon that poor man! I mean it! GET YOUR ASSES BACK TO THE BUS!! NOW!!!!"  
  
Skulking and pouting, some guiltily, some resentfully, they trooped back to the bus in two straight lines. Sango swatted some of them as they went, and was yelling curses at their backs as they disapeared over the hill.  
  
The problem solved, Sango turned to check on the victims, and rolled her eyes in exasperation. The pair were lying unconcious in a heap in the field. Kagome was sprawled protectively over her cousin, flopped ackwardly like a doll. It was quite a sight.  
  
She felt someone come up behind her. Sango turned and saw that it was Sessho-maru. The handsome, silver-haired man looked rather tramautized, caught between rolling on the floor laughing his ass off and running screaming for the hills. He glanced at her with slightly glazed eyes.  
  
."Come on," she said quietly, sighing."Lets get them inside."  
  
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authors note:: hmmm. Once again I am left not knowing where the hell that came from. I'm only partially happy that I thought of it at all. I wonder if its possible that little alien creatures are living in my brain directing my fingers towards the very STRANGE direction this piece is taking. I mean, come on, KILLER NUN???? What the hell are killer nuns??? **shakes head** anyway, thanks to all those who reviewed for me. I'm ecstatic that I have nearly 80 reviews for only five chapters!! And for those who don't believe me when I say that I sit at my computer and gloat and preen over these much-appreciated reviews, well, you can just shove it up your ass because I DO gloat and preen and bounce and grin evilly over the fact that I'm getting reviews just for being silly. So there. Bah. Teehee. 


	7. L' is for the way you look at me

Authors note:: I am SO SORRY I took so long to update! At first I just wanted to see how many reviews I could get,and then I couldn't think of how to begin this chapter, and then I got sick and was overloaded with homework, and then I STILL couldn't figure out what to do with it. And finally I stopped getting reviews altogether. When that happened I knew I HAD to write something. I really should learn to get these chapters out quiker. I'm starting to get annoyed with myself. But anyway, thankee all those people who have read my story! I truly appreciate the reviews.  
  
WARNING:: this story is sometimes base. Its not meant to be perfect or elegant, as I am merely expelling emotion. Its just pure weirdness and if you can't handle that, don't read the damn thing! Thankyou.  
  
Disclaimer:: **glances sideways at takahashi** we're in the middle of a strip poker game and inu-yasha and fluffy are playing. I own nothing, YET, but at the moment that doesn't matter. Fluffy just lost a hand. And all he's got left are his boxers...*evil grin** fluffy's bad at poker.Mwahahahahaha.  
OUR HOUSE  
Chapter 7: 'L' is for the way you look at me  
"Right there!"  
  
Seeshou-maru froze, bristling in mid-scrub.  
  
"No-not there. LOWER"  
  
Moans were drifting down the hallway. Distinctly feminine, adorable moans. Seeshou-maru shifted, the action rustling his blanket of bubbles, and shut off his radio, straining to hear. What WAS that?  
  
"HARDER!"  
  
Seeshou-maru recoiled at the shriek, sending soap suds flying. He clutched his rubber ducky to his chest, heart thundering. Oh, God. No. No, don't let this be what he thought it was. He just wanted to take a bath, dammit. Just a nice, quiet bath with no disruptions or scary sounds emitting from other rooms. Was that too freaking much to ask????  
  
."NOW! Do it NOW NOW NOW NOW." Moan. Cry.  
  
The rubber ducky gave a small shriek and went flying. Water sprayed everywhere. Seeshou-maru sat very still as the water calmed and watched as his rubber ducky began to drown. He closed his eyes and had a moment of silence for his ducky as he desperately tried to block out the suggestive sounds drifting across the hall and into the sanctity of his precious bathroom. Poor ducky. Yes, poor, poor ducky.  
  
."Move a little---oh, oh right there." Sexy moan.  
  
Seeshou-maru groaned and sank into the bathtub, watching as mountains of bubbles rose to engulf him. He fished for his nearly-drowned ducky, and clutched it to his slick chest, peeking over the edge of the bubbles nervously as he waited for another scary sound.   
  
(a/n:: **winks** yes...Seeshou-maru...bathtub...bubbles...wet..milky..skin..**dies** yes, anyway. Read on. Ignore my fantasies. )  
  
."OH---GOD! YES! YES!"  
  
He winced and banged his forehead against the tile wall of the tub, trying to escape the sounds. He was not listening to her sex dream he was not listening to her sex dream he was not listening to---  
  
."OH, ohohohohoh oh---*GASP*"  
  
Seeshou-maru paused in his self abuse. The last gasp had not sounded happy. Protective instincts began to stir within him and he sat up, alert.  
  
."NO! Stop it!" A little shriek.  
  
His eyes widened. Oh, no. A sex dream turned nightmare. Poor girl. He'd had those before. The universe was cruel for giving them. What kind of a sick universe would ruin a sex dream? People could have heart attacks with that kind of trama! He glowered at his rubber ducky, thinking evil thoughts at the universe for the last couple of times it had ruined his own dreams. The ducky stared back with its big painted blue eyes, and said nothing. It was mysterious that way.  
  
(a/n:: **rolls eyes**. Alright, that's enough for me. I need to stop with the damned ducky part. Its getting really disturbing now. The ducky is developing a personality and any moment its going to attack somebody. For the sake of all unsuspecting readers, I must stop writing about the ducky. And I will. Stop writing about the ducky. Yes, no ducky. Ahem. Duck. bah)  
  
."NO! Get away from me! Get away! Stop it!"  
  
Seeshou-maru frowned and reached for his towel. This sounded more serious than your average nightmare. Maybe she wasn't having a dream.Maybe someone was attacking her!  
  
She let out another piercing yowl of fright, and Seeshou-maru bolted out of the bathroom.  
_____________________________________  
Kagome was dreaming; she was in a bathtub and someone was scrubbing her back. Rich scents drifted around her and she sank deeper against the person, relishing the sensation. The gently scrubbing hands drifted lower,beginning to scrub her sides and stomach, reaching forward to hold her. The candlelight danced around her, lifting off the candle sticks to float around the dimly lighted room. The person scrubbing her stopped scrubbing and pressed themselves against her. And this was a very pleasant sensation indeed.  
  
(A/n:: x-rated dream. Go, Kagome! **cheers and waves a flag** yay!)  
  
She turned to see who it was, wanting to kiss the person--and found herself staring at Kouga. And instead of looking loving his face kept contorting, emotions racing across his face until his features no longer looked human. And then he was a wolf, snarling at her, jaws snapping, tearing at her, fighting her. His hot breath choked her and the fangs kept coming closer, closer, so close, tearing into her----------  
POP!  
  
(a/n:: I don't know why the 'pop!'. Just know that she's awake now)  
  
Kagome sat up in bed with a shriek just as the door to her room burst open with a bang. She shrieked again, her sleep-fogged brain aware only of the violence. Someone was shouting at her.  
  
Heart pounding painfully in her chest, and her head throbbing, Kagome focused on the door of her room.  
  
Her blurry vision cleared.  
  
Kagome flushed.  
  
Seeshou-maru stood in her doorway, clad only in an indecently small towel that had hearts all over it and a matching showercap, and armed with a rubber ducky and a scrub brush. He looked wild and frantic with worry.  
  
Kagome stared, mouth hanging open, eyes wide, and nose on the verge of bleeding. OH, God. Wow.  
  
."Kagome?! Are you okay??"The sex-god in the showercap before her waved his scrub brush defensively, spraying bubbly water everywhere, and his rubber ducky squeaked in emphasis. Kagome could only gape at him.  
  
Milky...skin....slick with...bubbles...chest....legs...bare skin...BUBBLES...  
  
."Kagome? Whats wrong??What happened? Are you hurt???!"  
  
chest slick..and..BUBBLY...want...bare..skin..long..legs...small...towel..  
  
."Kagome??Why are you looking at me like that?? What's wrong?? What happened to you??? Was it the nuns again? Are they here????"  
  
The high frantic tone of his voice was slowly returning her senses. She blinked at him, trying to control the heat the was rising up to her face. She swallowed once, twice, three times....and then made the mistake of looking at the towel again.   
  
It was so...SMALL. One wrong body movement and EVERYTHING would be revealed.  
  
She swayed, her vision blurring, her senses leaving her again.  
  
Slick skin....bubbles...small towel..must remove..towel..bare..skin..must....BUBBLES!  
  
."Kagome??Whats WRONG??" he wailed. She shook herself and stared down at her lap, steeling herself against his magnificent...bare..body...NO! She shook her head again. She would not give in to the temptation! She was not ruled by her hormones! She would not jump him!  
  
Kagome took a deep breath and looked up, meeting him squarely in the eyes. He had silvery eybrows and gorgeous eyes framed by darker, sweeping lashes. She swallowed. And perversely glanced at his chest. Her eyes watered."Leave!" she squeaked.  
  
He just stood there being all slick and bubbly, completely oblivious to the affect he was having on her. He actually took a step into her room,sending all sorts of alarm bells off in her head. She clutched the blankets of her bed to help anchor her to it. She would not jump him she would not jump him she would not...  
  
He shifted into a battle stance, legs spread, scrub brush held high."Don't worry, Kagome. I'll keep those nuns away!"  
  
And then his towel fell.  
  
Kagome saw it in slow motion: the edge uncurled, peeling back in such a taunting manner, revealing more skin. The towel clung to the damp skin, but without the knot to hold it up, began its decline off his body. More skin, then a whole leg, then the curling, soft-looking dark curls of his---------  
  
."GET OUT!" she screamed, collapsing back onto the bed and spasming. Her senses were on overload. Blood was streaming from her nose. Stars were dancing in her vision. She had been given a glimpse of heaven and her human mind could not contain it. GOD! She babbled into her bedspread incoherently, eyes tightly welded shut, toes curling.  
  
(a/n:: **raises eyebrows** responsive little thing, isn't she? Hm. Oh, the glory of Seeshou-maru. If you're confused by this scene, understand that she's just woken up from a dream that started out naughty and ended up tramatic, and then the first thing she saw was a mind-bogglingly attractive guy slick with soapsuds and warm water, and flushed from his bath. Trama+mostly nude Fluffy+whirling emotions due to her urge to kill Kouga= a collision of emotions that all smashed together into a whopping dose of lust. Plus I didn't want just the guys to be a bit hentai. I'm sick of it always being the guys. Why can't the GIRLS get the nosebleeds over the awesome magnificence of bishonen??? Well, in this story [which seems to be story of extremes] I RULE. And I say the girls get nosebleeds,too)  
  
."Kagome?! Kagome whats wrong?" He was walking toward her. He was actually walking towards her. The damned fool didn't realize he was completely nude! She squealed desperately into the blankets and writhed around, trying to ward him off. She felt his hand touch her arm, and she lashed out."PUT YOUR TOWEL BACK ON YOU FOOL!" she roared, her arms cartwheeling as she lifted herself up from the bed.  
  
A red haze had clouded her vision. Her defenses had kicked in and her mind was now blocking out all rays of magnificence Seeshou-maru was broadcasting and clouding her senses with a determined rage. She stomped up to him, chasing him out the door, and, with an enormous amount of self-control, slammed the door in his adorably bewildered face.  
  
She leaned against it as the haze gradually left her. Her heart was pounding in her chest painfully, and her breath was labored. It was too early for her to handle this sort of thing. The universe was mean; giving her a nightmare and then shocking her senses with a moistened-down hot male. A hot male she was LIVING with, by the way. God, it was no wonder people had believed those stupid rumors so easily. She couldn't even control her reactions. She couldn't just be cool about it and make some smart-ass remark to smooth the situation over. Instead she'd gotten a nosebleed. She touched her fingers to her nose, and let out a small, agitated sound of digust before glancing at the floor.  
  
A small, heart-covered towel lay there curled innocently. She hollered her fury and threw it out into the hall.  
_________________________________________________  
Outside her room, a bare-assed Seeshou-maru stood there innocently in the sunshine and wondered what was wrong with Kagome. He had only been trying to help. Miroku had asked him to take care of her, after all. But how was he supposed to protect someone who was so damned tempremental?! Suddenly a shout cut through the peace of the house and her door whooshed open. He turned, startled, and a damp towel smacked him in the face. He stood there, the towel slowly trailing down his body, and stared at Kagome.   
  
She had the oddest expression on her face.  
  
."Kagome? Are you okay? Would you like some tea or something? I drink hot tea with some honey after I have nightmares and it always helps..." He trailed off and merely stared back at her pleadingly. Her silence was eerie, and the color rising to her cheeks beneath all of her dark hair was making him nervous."Kagome, say something!"  
  
."Please go put some clothes on."She said slowly, painfully."You could kill someone with that thing." She pointed somewhere at his midsection, sniffled, and walked stiffly away. Seeshou-Maru watched her go, caught, despite the situation, admiring the shapely legs the moved beneath her oversized shirt. (hey, he's male and its morning). He watched her, vaguely confused, until she disapeared into the kitchen. Only then did he look down. For a moment it didn't register in his mind that he was nude. He simply saw himself, and wasn't surprised by the familiar contours of his body. He scratched the back of his neck, his fingers meeting the edge of his showercap. The damned thing always itched and he was loathe to wear it,but it was such a hastle to dry all his hair and he would not cancel the habit of indulging himself in his bubble-baths. And then it hit him. He'd been taking a bath. His towel was no longer covering his unmentionables. She had seen...him...  
  
He paled."Oh, crap." He snarled, and stomped back into the bathroom, his ears flaming red with embarassment."Dammit all to hell." He slammed the door behind him.  
Kagome took a deep, calming breath, and leaned against the counter. Her frazzled nerves were calm now, and the last lingering traces of fear from her dream had faded as she filled the kettle with water and turned on the stove. She moved to the fridge, looking at the magnets that decorated its surface. There were magnet words all over the place, scattered bits of poetry and rhyme. There was a notepad with the scribbled reminder of her coming. Kagome was briefly touched that her name was written on his fridge, but she quickly stifled the sensation. He'd known she was coming and had wanted to greet her. That was all. She shook her head and jerked the refridgerator open. The fridge was full. Bizarrely full, considering only Seeshou-maru lived there. There had to be at least four types of juice, and two types of milk (soy and cow milk).  
  
(a/n:: yay for soy milk! Its better than real milk! **dances a jig in honor of soy milk**)  
  
She took out the soy milk and drank it straight from the bottle. And that was how Seeshou-maru found her when he warily made his way into the kitchen; chugging down the soymilk innocently in the kitchen. She caught sight of him over the edge of the bottle---and choked.  
  
."Woa, hey!" he jogged up to her and took the soy bottle away as she coughed and hacked, her eyes filling with tears."Are you okay?" he asked, laughing slightly, shyly looking up at her through a curtain of his hair, and then glancing back down again.  
  
She laughed inbetween coughs."Sure." she coughed, and then grinned, forcing herself to look him straigh in the face. She refused to be ashamed. He had walked in on her, not the other way around. She had nothing to be afraid of. In the back of her mind a voice was taunting her, but she ignored it. She had to believe she had nothing to be nervous about. Otherwise she and this man would not be able to live together.  
  
She cleared her throat again, and wiped at her eyes."So...where is my wayward cousin and the horny nuns?" She smiled slightly.  
  
He coughed."Oh, their bodyguard shipped them out. They're staying at the local hotel. She said something about penance and a lifetime of hail mary's. She came back last night and picked up Miroku, drove him to the hospital. They had to hook him up to an i.v."  
  
Kagome burst out laughing."Well, looks like he really COULDN'T handle them all."  
Privately she was thankful that he was okay, but she would never admit it. Wild bulls couldn't drag the information from her.  
  
Seeshou-maru grinned, and set the bottle of soy milk down on the table."Well, you know what they say about nuns. Living a life of abstinence must be difficult at times. They were...stressed." He started to snicker.  
  
Kagome waggled her eyebrows."I bet." She said dryly, and then took the soy milk off the table and capped it. She opened the fridge and raised her eyebrows at him."You must eat a lot." She said, taking a deep breath. That's right, Kagome. Breath. In and out. You will forget what his goods look like. You WILL forget.   
  
She turned around and looked him straight in the eye, and saw only his naked form, bathed in sunlight, ethereal in its beauty. She gritted her teeth and banished the image from her mind. She was no innocent when it came to temptation. Kouga had given her enough of that for her to have some resistance to it. She wasn't a child anymore. And she was not about to run away from what she was afraid of.  
  
Kagome stared into his sweet face, and smiled at him. A true smile. And the one he gave her in return was beautiful." I didn't know what you liked, so I went out and bought a little of everything."He said, shrugging.  
  
She grinned at him."Well, it was the best thing you could have done. I love food."  
(a/n:: why is it that whenever I get sappy I get bored? This chapter is dragging and its starting to bug me. **scowls** bah. Mayhem, perhaps, to alleviate my boredom? Hmmm. Let us see.)  
They smiled at each other, and a companionable silence fell over the pair. Kagome looked down at her bare feet. They were warm, bathing in the light that came in throught the stained glass on the door to the kitchen, where the nuns had broken in. One of the panes was broken, and through a rainbow of colored light that filtered onto the kitched floor, there was a patch of shadow. She stared at it, remembering the nuns and how frightening they had been. Kagome had actually feared for her cousins life. She shook her head. Christ, but nuns were scary. They made her care about MIROKU.  
  
The sound of footsteps coming up the path startled Kagome out of her thoughts. She looked up, bristling with expectancy. It couldn't be Kouga. He couldn't have..."Sango!" she chirped, bouncing from the counter to the door. From outside Sango gave the younger woman an pleased smile. Kagome pulled the door open, and the bodygaurd, in black pants and a black muscle-shirt, stepped in."I thought you were Kouga for a minute there" she said sheepishly. Sango gave her a measuring look, and Kagome fidgeted under her gaze. She shook her head, trying to dispel her discomfort."So, how's Miroku?He awake yet?"  
  
."Your cousin is recovering, Kagome." Sango said, looking annoyed.  
  
Kagome blew a rasberry at her and led her to the table, grinning."Tried to cop a feel, did he?"  
  
Sango bared her teeth in a grimace."You'd think he'd had enough by now. But he was plaguing the nurses so I sent in another group of nuns. They were more than happy to...solve his problem."  
  
Kagome gagged and plopped into the seat between her and Seeshou-maru. Both were looking at her, amused."God, Sango, I didn't need to know that. I don't even want to THINK about...Miroku..orgies...gyah!"she buried her face in her hands to banish the mental image."So horrible.."  
  
."It's an interesting idea, though."Sango said thoughtfully."Maybe he's SUPPOSED to be such a horny bastard. I mean, to be the legendary Priest is to have a LOT of sex. Why not make the man so he'd like what he was destined to..do... Kagome? Kagome! Come on, its not that bad!"  
  
But Kagome was moaning into her hands to block out the images that were flashing through her mind."so EVIL..."she muttered."You know, it does make sense. But its still gross."  
  
Sango shrugged."I'm just glad I'm not a nun. Those girls can't keep their hands off him--hey!"  
  
Kagome scowled at her and prepared to throw another napkin ball at her friend."Just STOP. NO MORE!"  
  
Sango grinned at her and began to whistle to herself innocently." Whatever you say.."Kagome blew another rasberry at her and wrinkled her nose.  
  
."Well, my girls, I think its time you ate. YOU," said Seeshou-maru, looking pointely at Kagome and slapping the table for emphasis,"Have been asleep for more than a day. And you," he looked at Sango,"Have been armrestling horny nuns. It calls for some food, and I am your man." He winked at them and bounced to his feet and began to dance around the kitchen, tieing an apron around his waist and setting his plan to motion.  
  
Sango looked from Kagome, who was grinning lazily at the mans' determined figure, to Seeshou-maru."I bet you are."she murmured, smiling slightly at his back. Kagome glanced at her, and Sango banished her smirk for something less suspicious."Do you think he can cook?" she whispered to Kagome, leaning close.  
  
Kagome gazed at Seeshou-maru."I don't know. He looks a bit scrawny for a cook."  
  
Seeshou-maru whipped around, eyes blazing."Can I COOK? Can I COOK??Oh, girlies, you haven't tasted food until I've cooked it!I am Seeshou-maru! Owner of half of Shikon city and all of Western Lands, Inc.! And I,"he hissed,"Am GOD of the kitchen!" He whirled around and tore through the kitchen, bringing out countless bowls and ladels and egg-beaters. He was making a mountain of them on the table. Kagome and Sango stared at the increasing pile in horrified astonishment, mouths opening and closing. Suddenly there was a crash, and the pile stopped growing. Seeshou-maru loomed over them."And I am not scrawny!"he thundered."I'm a sexy bitch and you know it!" he turned again, and threw food at them."Now COOK! Chop and boil! You will serve!" an unholy light had filled his eyes, and Kagome and Sango cringed.  
  
Kagome swallowed the lump in her throat and set her chin, looked at the cabbage she held."I thought we were tired and deserved to be catered to." She said evenly.  
  
Seeshou-maru paused just as an othe rant was coming on, sanity slowly filling his face. Suddenly he blushed."Oh, yes..well..um..."he bit his lip."Stop looking at me like that! I'm the son of a warlord! I can't help it!" His ears and neck burning, he took the veges from them and began to chop with a ferocious intensity.  
  
Sango sauntered up to him and grabbed a head of cabbage, turning it over in her hands."Whadda ya say, Kag?"She tossed the cabbage at Kagome, who caught it."Wanna give Fluffy here a hand?"  
  
."Fluffy??!!!"  
  
She and Kagome grinned at each other."Oh, I don't know."Sango tugged at his mane of fluffy silver hair."I think it suits you."  
  
."Yeah,"added Kagome,"Fluffy. It's perfect." She grinned ever so sweetly.  
  
He scowled at them, but he was blushing again."Just shut up and start chopping those vegetables."  
***************  
endnote:: well, THAT was disapointing. Man, I am loosing my touch. That was such a boring chapter. I guess that's what I get for not writing anything for so long. A long, sappy chapter that bugs the hell out of me. See, I know it's a bad chapter when I don't make myself laugh when I write it. Argh.**sighs** oh, well. I'm sorry, readers. I will do better next chapter! In the meantime, please be merciful and review! Suggestions, comments, criticisms! I value them all! Oh, yes, and Seeshou-maru isn't the one she's surprised to find out lives at Miroku's house. THAT person has yet to show up. 


	8. o' is for the only one i see

Authorsnote::sorry I took so long to update. My ideas for this chapter kept changing. It started out sappy and then morphed into...what it is. So sorry...but I appreciate the reviews! I love all of them, so keep reviewing! And the ducky WILL attack someone!  
  
WARNING:this story is sometimes base, and is not meant to be perfect or elegant. If you're looking for something intense, you won't find it here..unless you're looking for intensely weird and pointless. Just a helpful little warning. I wouldn't want to scare anyone now would I? **evil grin** Disclaimer::this is pointless. I will say nothing, as you all KNOW I don't own them. Only the twisted plot belongs to me. And the ducky and monkey. Mwahahaha.  
  
Dedication:: for erik, who inspired me to write again. And for daphne, who helped me sort through my ideas.  
  
OUR HOUSE Chapter 8: 'o' is for the only one I see  
  
Kagome snuggled down into the depths of the couch with a contented sigh, the dreamy expression of the recently-well-fed shining on her face. She was a happy camper.  
  
It had never occured to her that cooking could get any better than her Moms'. Mrs.Higurashi was renowed for her culinary skills, and no one to Kagome's knowledge had ever surpassed her. Kagome had grown up on good food, so she knew what she was talking about when it came to telling the difference between damned-fucking-tasty food and food that was merely digestible.   
  
Sesshou-maru cooked ungodly sublime food.Fan-fucking-tastic.   
  
Kagome closed her eyes and let out a soft croon at the memory of those tasty morsels dissolving in her mouth, teasing her tongue, easing like silky heaven down her throat. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she smiled lazily, tracing circles with her fingertips into the pillow she was hugging.  
  
He rivled her mother, and that was no small feat. He cooked food that just tantalized her senses, bringing her to new levels of sensation. It was an almost SENSUAL experience, the way the flavors seemed to caress her mouth and throat, the way the scents teased her tastebuds and sensory glands. With mom, the food was unbelievably delectable, but it was still just food. It was just a meal. Sesshou-maru made it more than a meal; he made it pleasure.  
  
((a/n:: that is kinky, even for me. @_@ I feel so scandalized.. **covers eyes*..and I'm the one writing this!))  
  
Kagome sank deeper into the cushions, the drone of the television in the background lulling her into a contented daze. It had been hours since she'd eaten, hours since Sango left with the same dazedly-dreamy expression on her face that Kagome now wore, and still the memories of brunch haunted her, like the lingering caress from some experienced lover she'd dreamnt of. She shivered as the memory of a particularily savory morsel took hold of her. She licked her lips, her tongue easing from her mouth to slowly moisturize the yearning flesh.  
  
((a/n:: god, this is like porn!!! I'm freaking myself out here! **waves arms frantically** its erik's influence!! Its not entirely my fault!! My mind is in the gutter because I miss him....wah...**cries** Alright, I will stop with the scary sensuous experience of Sesshies cooking for now. I'll save that for later! Kinky sex! Ahem...well...MAYBE kinky sex. For now, I take my usual method of inflicting my readers with weird mayhem! Mwahahahhahaha! From sex to rubber duckies, all in one chapter!!mwahahhaha! **coughs** yeah, anyway. On with the story...))  
  
."squeak squeak!"  
  
Kagome's eyes snapped open, jarring her from her delicious fantasies. Disoriented and a little peeved at being interrupted, she rolled her body around on the couch so that she faced the kitchen door. Dangling from the edge of the couch, she could see the checkered pattern of the floor and the very end corner of the kitchen table. Faintly she could hear the clank of dishes and the sound of running water spashing. Sesshou-maru was still cleaning up. He'd insisted on doing all the cooking AND the cleaning, ushering her into her current couch-potatoe position in the living room and handing her the remote. She was under strict orders not to help, and she'd been too dazed from the food to protest. But that had been hours ago, and she was capable of independent movement again. She leaned further over the edge of the couch, wondering what the hell that noise had been.  
  
."squeak squeak!"  
  
Kagome blanched. What the hell???  
  
She had to know. Kagome, fueled by the curiousity that usually got her into trouble and had gotten her involved with Kouga, uncurled from her nest of pillows, oozing from couch to floor and stumbling her way to the doorway. She didn't understand why she found that noise quite so unnerving, but now she was determined to find out no matter how affected she was by post-brunch flashbacks. She peeked into the kitchen.  
  
Sesshou-maru was dancing. A fluffy floral apron tied around his waist, his hair in a silver ponytail trailing down his back, toned arms flexing as he got out a particularily troublesome spot on a pan, Sesshou-maru jiggled his butt cheerfully and twirled. Sesshou...maru...was DANCING.  
  
Her eyes widened to the size of the dinner plates she had so recently eaten off of.  
  
And SINGING.  
  
."Rubber ducky, you're the one!"  
  
Sesshou-maru wiggled about, shaking the ass that resided within scandalously clingy jeans, lacy apron fluffing around him. His feet were tapping cheerfully, and he was swaying to a beat only he could hear. Beside him on the counter, sat an innocent, blue-eyed rubber ducky.  
  
Kagome flushed at the sight of the ducky. The last time she had seen it, Sesshou-maru had burst into her room clad in a towel, all slick and----suddenly Kagome was bombarded with vivid hentai memories:  
  
Bubbles...slick skin...moistened..chest..long..legs..sculpted genit---  
  
Oh, good christ, not again!! NO! She shook her head vigorously to chase the images agay. No more fantasies!! He was a friend. A FRIEND. Kagme grit her teeth and stared at Sesshou-maru's rear, determined not to be tantalized. After a few minutes of 'I spy with my little eye a cute little Sesshy bun', her shoulders sagged in defeat and she wearily accepted that she thought her roomy was hot. She shook her head and sniffled, feeling miffed. Goddamn his tastiness.  
  
Kagome shook her head again, snapping out of her trance as Fluffy continued his song.  
  
."You make bathtime lots of fun!" he chirped, twirling, sending soap suds from the sink flying across the kitchen.  
  
."squeak squeak!"  
  
Kagome recoiled in horror and toppled backwards. She covered her eyes with both hands, moaning softly as terror froze her blood. No, oh GOD, it COULDN'T have...  
  
But it had.  
  
The ducky, an inanimate object, had moved. Had SUNG!  
  
She gulped, suddenly feeling very, very afraid.  
  
For now she was faced with three problems. (1) she was being tormented by her ex-boyfriend, who, despite the fact that he currently had no idea where she was, continued to haunt her thoughts. (2) she was attracted to the older man she was now living with. Had, in fact, strategized the removal of his clothing with her teeth throughout the course of the afternoon. Had also entertained fantasies of walking in during one of those baths he liked to indulge himself in and tucking herself into the tub with him. These facts alone would most definitely complicate her life. But then she had the THIRD problem: (3) the ducky was alive. The goddamn, motherfucking, squeaky BATH TOY, was alive.  
  
And at the moment, Kagome was more worried about her last problem than the other two. Her terror of inanimate objects coming to life had yet to be surpassed by any other phobia, and now she was LIVING IN A HOUSE with a chucky-wannabe, who would, undoubtably, attack her in her sleep on that very night! She shivered. Why did she always have to be put into these types of situations??? Why couldn't her life just be normal and calm??? RUBBER DUCKIES WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ALIVE!!!!  
  
."Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of you! Do-do-be do!"  
  
Kagome blinked. Sesshou-maru was singing again. A ducky song! And in that adorable voice...in an APRON!Temporarily forgetting her terror of the ducky, she peeked into the kitchen again, unable to contain herself.  
  
((a/n:: I mean, come ON, would YOU stay hidden in another room when Fluffy was dancing around in tight pants, almost NO shirt, and and APRON???? I think NOT! I know I wouldn't....mwahhahahahhaah..naked fluffy..happy thoughts.lala))  
  
The ducky had turned its devoted blue eyes from its chirping master. In fact, it had moved its entire body. It was now facing the door, its bright yellow body sitting innocently, serenely even, on the countertop.  
  
The ducky was staring at her.  
  
Kagome's blood froze in her veins and she 'eeped!' and hid behind the door again. Peeking had sooo not been a good idea. Why had she looked?? Sesshy's bum was not worth the terror that ducky inspired in her, no matter how delectable Fluffy was!  
  
."Rubber ducky, you're so fine."  
  
Sesshy had begun to sing again, but this time, there was no answering 'squeak squeak!' to seranade him. Kagome bit her lip, and sweat began to bead on her brow. Oh, God, what had happened in that kitchen??? Why hadn't the damned ducky harmonized yet???  
  
."I'll make bathtime all the time!"  
  
Sesshou-maru continued the song, and still so answering squeak followed the tune. Kagome swallowed, wondering why her heart had just plummetted into her stomach. She had to know...She peered into the kitchen again---and choked back a shriek.  
  
The ducky had moved. It was now on the kitchen table, facing her. It glared malevolently at her, painted blue eyes flashing, its little orange bill widening into the most evil smile she had ever seen, flashing a hint very un-ducky-like fang. Duckies didn't have fangs, right? RIGHT???  
  
Kagome, in her terror-stricken state, did the only thing she could think of: with a wail of 'I want my monkeeyyyyyyy!!' that startled Sesshou-maru from his happy cleaning daze, she bolted down the hallway, into her room, and slammed the door shut behind her. On the verge of hyperventalating, she dove into the small mountain of her personal belongings on the floor, viciously tearing open a box and throwing random peraphenilia across the room. It took her awhile, and several more boxes, but she eventually found the objects of her obsessive search: her stuffed monkey, and a 2-liter jug of tequila.  
  
With a cry of relief and tearful joy, she hugged them both. Whimpering slightly, Kagome unscrewed the cap of the Tequila bottle, rolled her eyes heavenward and mouthed 'Lord, give me strength', and chugged a quarter of the alcohol down. It burned her throat, hitting her stomach in an explosion that rocked her, tearing a shaky gasp from her mouth. Tears running down her face, Kagome took another swig, downing another eigth of the bottle in one painful gulp. Her vision blurred for a moment, and she swayed unsteadily in her perch on the edge of her bed. When she could see, and the pleasant, steady warmth of the booze burned through her thoroughly, Kagome looked from monkey, to tequila bottle, to the mess she'd made of her room---and graced a very perplexed universe with a dreamy smile.  
  
She hiccuped twice.  
  
And then continued to smile.  
  
Yes, Kagome thought fuzzily, she was feeling very brave now.  
  
."I'm feeling very brave now." She informed her stuffed monkey.  
  
The monkey stared up at her solemnly, saying nothing. It, like and yet unlike the evil rubber ducky of doom, was also very mysterious that way.  
  
Kagome, in fact, was feeling SO very brave, that she heaved herself up to her feet and stumbled to the door, fully confident that, armed as she was with a huge (and nearly half empty) bottle of tequila AND her miraculous stuffed monkey, a stupid evil rubber ducky could no longer harm her. She was now evil-rubber-ducky PROOF. She opened her door (after several clumsy failed attempts), flung it open, and glared triumphantly at an unsuspecting hallway. The hallway cringed. She was, indeed, a very determined Kagome.  
  
But what she saw stopped her dead in her tracks.  
  
The.ducky. was. Sitting. Outside. Her. ROOM!!!!!!  
  
Kagome let out a bloodcurdling scream of terror and slammed the door to her room shut.  
  
***  
  
Sesshou-maru started at the sound of Kagome's scream, his grip on a large plate slipping, sending the dish to the floor where it shattered. He winced as it fell, but his mourning of the plate was shortlived as the sound of a door slamming following that scream, jolted him back into reality. Brows furrowed, he set down his scrub cloth, wiping suddy hands against his apron, and made his way out of the kitchen and down the hall.   
  
He paused and blinked, tilting his head to the side. No, it couldn't have..  
  
Sesshou-maru opened his eyes again, now competely confused. Why was his rubber ducky outside Kagome's bedroom door?? And he could have sworn it had just been clawing at her door. Which was completely odd as it was just a toy, and not an animmate object capable of clawing at her door with seeming malicious intent.  
  
He shook his head and looked again. The ducky WAS there, but it was only sitting outside her door, not clawing at it. Puzzled, he walked up to her bedroom door and listened. Inside, he could hear the sound of muffled sobs. Alarmed, Sesshou-maru yanked the door open and stepped inside, images of a harmed Kagome flooding his senses and bringing him into a protective rage.  
  
He had barely registered her form cringing beside the bed when she screamed,"CLOSE THE DOOR!!", and he, too startled to question her, slammed the door shut behind him.  
  
Instantly Kagome launched herself at him and Sesshou-maru found himself on the floor with a wailing Kagome straddling him and writhing around in his lap. Under different circumstances, he would have enjoyed the stradling and wriggling more, would have, in fact, participated in it, but he had the feeling that this girl was not in the mood to play."Kagome! hey! Kagome!" he gripped her arms and held her still, giving her a little shake."What's wrong??"  
  
From beneath a tangled mass of black hair, Kagome sniffled, hiccupped, and pushed her hair out of her face."Your ducky..."she sniffled," is trying to KILL ME!!!!" the last part came out a wail and she writhed again, but Sesshou-maru didn't hear it. He was too busy gaping at the girl who had appeared from beneath a mass of tangled black hair.  
  
Kagome's cheeks were flushed and shiny, her grey-blue eyes luminious as heavy tears ran down her cheeks to splatter his shirt. Her lips looked full and bruised, pouting and quivering with suppressed emotions. She trembled against him, looking small and waifish and pitiful, and her strong hands clutched his shirt as if he were the only stable thing in the universe. She clung to him, so soft and small, and all he could think was how suddenly perfect she was.  
  
Sesshou-maru's heart lurched painfully in his chest at the sight, and he swallowed the lump that had somehow developed in his throat.  
  
She was so beautiful...  
  
His heart was pounding in his chest as he stared into those endless blue eyes, so full of fear and relief as they gazed at him, and he felt some unfamiliar emotion welling up from deep inside him. Oh, God, but she was so beautiful...  
  
Unbidden, his hand released her arm and he reached up to cup one tear-stained cheek, tenderly smoothing the soft flesh with his thumb. She hiccupped softly, now quiet even as the tears continued to flow, and he reached up with his other hand to hold her small face between his palms."Don't cry, Kagome." He murmured, his voice trembling slightly."Please don't cry."  
  
Her lips were quivering, but the tears had stopped as she swallowed them down. He smiled at her shyly, filled with a sudden joy at the sight of her, and that smile blossomed into a steady grin as that strange emotion welled up and spilled out of him. The sound of her shaky breathing filled his ears, those soft little gasps, and before he knew what he was doing, Sesshou-maru found himself leaning closer to her, his hands traveling down from her face to wrap around her in a loose, if not tender, embrace. She was gazing at him now with a kind of quiet wonder on her face, and the expression filled him with an inexplicable happiness. He held her, still smiling, rubbing her back with a soothing hand."Shh," he whispered."Don't cry. It's okay. Nothing's going to hurt you." And her smile shifted into the wolfish grin she'd graced him with when first they'd met, and all he could do was grin right back.  
  
((a/n:: **sighs dreamily** they just had a moment together....lalala..la. and I didn't get bored writing it. Quite the contrary, in fact. Writing that scene has made me very happy. Mwahahahaa. You thought they were going to kiss, didn't you? Mwahahahaaha. Not yet, kiddies. Not quite yet. They just..truly noticed each other for the first time.))  
  
scritch stritch.  
  
Kagome's smile froze, breaking the spell that had bound them. Sesshou-maru held her tighter convulsively."Kagome, what---ã  
  
She held up a hand to silence him."Wait a sec" she said, staring intently at the door behind him, her eyes narrowing.  
  
Scritch scritch scritch. Scuffle scritch.  
  
Kagome squeaked suddenly and clutched at his shirt."Oh my god!" she cried, looking horrified.  
  
Alarmed, Sesshou-maru held her tighter."kagome, whats wrong?" She made a tiny moan that sounded suspiciously like, 'duckies attacking me...', and buried her face into his neck. He gasped at the feel of her hot, erratic breath against his neck, and his eyes rolled back in his head before he could help himself. He felt a jolt low in his body and his eyes flew open."KAGOME!" he roared, pulling her off his neck. Unfortunetely, the act made her wriggle further against his midsection, causing all sorts of dangerous things to happen to him, and he let out a strangled gasp.  
  
."What is going on, kagome?" he snarled brokenly, fighting his body's reaction to the squirming female in his lap. He would not take advantage of her he would not take advantage of her he would not...  
  
."YOUR RUBBER DUCKY WANTS TO KIIIIIILLL MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" she wailed.  
  
THAT stopped him. He gaped at her."what?"   
  
Scritch scritch scuffle scritch SQUEAK!  
  
Sesshou-maru jumped, half turning his body to the door."What the hell was that???"  
  
Kagome flung herself off his lap and dove behind the bed."It's the DUCKY." She said ominously as she peeked over the edge of her bed."It wants to kill me." She added before ducking back behind the bed.  
  
He blinked, confused, glancing from the bed to the door. He grit his teeth and leveled kagome with a glare. THIS was what she was so terrified of?? His rubber DUCKY?"Oh, for the love of.." he opened the door, rolling his eyes and muttering curses."Look," he said to her," no duck-----gyah!What the HELL???"  
  
."SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK!!!!!!" The rubber ducky pounced, its blue eyes turned crimson, filled with an unholy light. It slammed against Sesshou-maru's chest, and he let out a yell of fright and stumbled backwards, tripping over his feet and toppling to the floor. His eyes were huge as he watched his rubber ducky crawl across the floor, making hideous baby crocidile noises, flashing sharp fangs that should not have been there. Terror clogged his throat.  
  
."SQUEAK!"the ducky roared piercingly as it leapt up onto the bed and made its waddling way toward Kagome.  
  
Sesshou-maru's mouth had fallen open and his face was frozen in horror. THIS was the ducky he had taken many a happy bath with?? THIS was his bubble friend of old??  
  
."SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK!!!"  
  
."GYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!!! Stay away from meeeeeeeeeee!!!" Kagome screamed from the other side of the bed. Sesshou-maru unfroze at the sound of pure terror in her voice. Protective male instincts once again roared through him, chasing out the icy fear of his rubber ducky, and giving him strength to move. He dove for the bed, catching hold of the ducky and flinging it as it writhed and bit at him, across the room. It hit the wall with a 'squeak!' and was silent.  
  
((a/n:: @_@. How very morbid... ))  
  
Sesshou-maru crawled across the bed to peer over the side at Kagome, who had gone oddly silent as well. He found her backed into a corner, clutching a stuffed spidermonkey and chugging down a huge bottle of tequilla. He crawled over the edge of the bed and gently took the bottle away. She gave a little cry of protest, sniffled, and then huddled into the corner, hugging her monkey tightly. He reached for her, and she came crawling toward him clumsily. She collapsed into his lap, burying her face into his stomach.  
  
."I TOLD you the ducky was tryn' ta kill me."she sniffled indignantly."Stupid snarly male.."she hiccupped, which felt very strange considering her face was pressed into his stomach."wah." she said angrily, and wrapped her arms around his waist, burrowing deeper into his middle  
  
Feeling a bit uncomfortable with a saucy female nuzzling his midsection, Sesshou-maru searched for something else to focus on. His eyes found the tequilla bottle. It was more than half empty. His eyes widened, and he looked from the bottle, to the disgruntled female in his lap. His eyebrows shot up."Kagome?"  
  
."Mmphm?" she mumbled into his stomach, setting off all kinds of fluttery feelings in him. He winced and gently disentangled her arms from his waist, proping her up so that she wasn't so dangerously close to nuzzling his unmentionables.  
  
."Kagome, did you drink that whole bottle by yourself?"  
  
He felt her nodd, and she turned her head and smiled up at him drunkenly."All by m'yself."she said proudly, beaming up at him.  
  
He fought back a smile and fixed his face into a stern expression."You're drunk." He accused.  
  
She stuck her tongue out at him."Maybe. The ducky was scary."  
  
."Yes, it was." He replied, absently petting her hair. She had soft hair.  
  
."I have a monkey."  
  
."I'm very glad."  
  
."Do you have a monkey?"  
  
."Sadly, no."  
  
."oh. do you WANT a monkey?"  
  
."I cannot honestly say that I have ever thought of it."  
  
She pondered this, looked from her monkey, and then back to him, chewed her lip, and then said,"You can borrow mine since your ducky died."  
  
He looked down at her, smiling faintly, and she beamed back up at him. He melted."Kagome, I--,"  
  
Her eyes were closing. Fluttering shut as her breathing evened out. She let out a heavy sigh of satisfaction, her lips curving into a slight smile. She hooked her fingers onto his shirt, cuddled up against his chest, and slept.  
  
((a/n:: ahh, the convience of Kagme passing out in mid-scene.))  
  
He watched her for a little while, listening to the steady rhythm of her breathing, lost in thought. Sesshou-maru shifted her so that she was pressed more comfortably to him, and carefully stroked her cheek with his fingertips."Kagome," he murmured softly. Sesshou-maru leaned back against the wall and sighed, staring off into space."Dammit."  
  
He sighed again in resignation and gathered her up into his arms, struggling to his feet. Gently he laid her down on the mattress, carefully arranging her in what he thought was a comfortable position. He sat at the edge of the bed, watching her, chewing his lip thoughtfully.  
  
Sesshou-maru let out an irritated huff."Ah, what the hell." He muttered, and leaned over to press his lips to her forehead. The skin was silk beneath his mouth. He trembled slightly, silently fighting himself, before giving in and kissing her cheek. And as soon as he'd done it, he wanted more. He kissed the corner of her mouth, and he shuddered. No, no, he shouldn't..he couldn't...His mouth hovered over hers, so close, so very close. He was shaking, a fine trembling throughout his whole body. He wanted this. God, he wanted this. And she would never know. Never know that he had stolen just one kiss. Just one.... He clenched his hand into a fist on the mattress and shoved himself away."No." he told no one in particular.  
  
With an angry scowl, he walked to the door, picking up his fallen ducky, and silently closed the door behind him.  
  
____________________________________  
  
Night had fallen upon the world, the shadows guzzling down the last pools of light until there was nothing left but darkness. The only light for miles was nestled deep within a forest of trees, on top a small hill, hidden, for the most part, from the rest of the world. A man in a large van, one of the few who knew of this haven, made his speedy way up the dirt road that led to the house. The headlights from his vehicle knifed through the suffocating darkness, spearing a path through the shadows. He could have driven without the headlights; he knew the road by heart, and he had exceptional eyesight. But he kept them on for the sake of any possible unsuspecting travelers. He'd been raised to courtesy, and he stuck to it most of the time. When he'd reached his destination he pulled up into the driveway behind the house and hiked up the path. The porchlight was on, which puzzled him, but didn't worry him too much. Miroku tended to lend the house to a lot of people, so there was always one person or another staying over. And as long as they didn't invade his space, he really didn't care.  
  
The man dug a key from his pocket, unlocked the door, and stepped inside. The kitchen was rich with the lingering scent of delicious foods. He enhaled deeply, closing his eyes. There was only one person he knew who could cook a meal and have the scent linger for so long and yet remain so poignant. He smiled. Well, that solves the question of who was staying over.  
  
The man went through the fridge until he found what he wanted, ate it, and then went to the bathroom. As he brushed his teeth, he paused and stared at his reflection. He'd been on the road for a long time now, and damn, but it showed. He sighed, swiping his hand across his reflection, not wanting to see.   
  
Midnight found him in his room as he carelessly tossed his duffel bag on the floor. He'd bring up his other belongings in the morning.   
  
He removed his clothing clumsily, feeling weary and sore from the long drive, and wanting nothing more than the comfort of his own bed after so long sleeping in hotel rooms or his van. He slipped beneath the covers of his bed with a soft contented sigh, quickly falling into sleep. And if there was someone snoring softly beside him, he didn't notice.  
  
____________________________________  
  
endnote:: hmm...well, that was different. I seem to be getting into the plot, finally. This chapter seems to have more sap and mayhem than humor. Ah, well, its IS also a romance fic, after all.Moving along...**sighs** so stupid. It took me two months of moodiness to get myself into writing-mode, and then two days to get an idea and write this goddamn chapter. I wrote almost the entire freaking thing TODAY! Good christ. Thankyou to all my readers, who somehow continued to review and read my story despite the fact that it was thoroughly buried beneath the hundreds of other fics that actually get updated. The inu-yasha archive has been going nuts lately. Special thanks to erik, who took away my continuous depression and gave me peace and love in its stead. Ahh, the sappiness. Well, onward ho. On to the next chappie. 


	9. v' is very very extraordinary

A/n: I'd like to make a very sincere apology to all of you who've been waiting for my update. I'm very ashamed that it's taken me nearly a year to update this story, especially with you guys sending me such wonderful reviews about how much you love it. Thank you all for your patience, and please, please don't flame me too horribly because it took so long. (or because this chapter was disappointing _ )  
  
Warning: this is story is not supposed to make sense. The characters are usually OOC, the plot is an AU, and, in fact, this is mostly a PWP anyway, so don't get pissy because I have a tendency to go all over the place with the storyline. If you don't like it and you want something more structured, read something else. Don't attack me because it's not what you want. I'm writing this story for the fun of it, and while I'm perfectly capable of writing something WITH plot and substance, I have made a conscious choice with OUR HOUSE to just go wild. Just thought you should know. ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: come on, you know I don't own Inu-Yasha.   
  
OUR HOUSE Chapter 9:  
  
' 'V' is very, very extraordinary.'   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Morning lay warm and welcome across the gently snoring figures tucked so comfortably together on the pale rose-colored blankets. The room was alight with a dreamy golden haze that only those mornings of complete bliss seemed capable of manifesting. The sweet scents of jasmine and rose drifted lazily in the sunbeams with the dust, falling gently, only to be scattered by the even breaths of those that slumbered so peacefully on the bed.  
  
Eyelids adorned by luscious silver lashes fluttered, and the eyes beneath searched through some swiftly fading dream for the last vestiges of sleep. The man inhaled deeply again, pressing his face into his pillow, not wanting to wake.  
  
Wakefullness came, however, and bit by bit, his awareness stretched, and his brain attempted its first computation of the day...  
  
Something smelled wonderful. He inhaled deeply again, and corrected himself; His pillow smelled wonderful. He pressed his nose into it, snuggling his face closer and breathing contentedly. Mmmm...his pillow was also warm. Warm and smelling so strongly like jasmine flowers he could almost taste it.  
  
He hugged his pillow tighter, smiling slightly. God, he felt great. He couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up feeling so refreshed. Hell, he couldn't remember the last time his pillow had felt so good.   
  
He opened one eye to look at the clock, hissed, and closed it again. "Goddamn morning sunlight..."he mumbled, pressing his face deeper into the welcoming warmth of his pillow. He couldn't handle that much light in the mornings. He needed darkness. Pitch black, lovely darkness. The kind you could cut a knife through. Yeah, darkness was sounding real good right about now. Darkness, and maybe some food.   
  
Except that he really didn't want to move. His warm, comfy, sweet smelling pillow was just too attractive to let go of, and he could deal with all that golden light if his pillow would just hold still-----  
  
His eyes flew open. Wait...hold still?  
  
Amber eyes stared, uncomprehending, as a golden world gone double merged into one bare shoulder and the spill of silken black hair above his head.  
  
And quite suddenly he was aware of several other things; His arm was thrown across the curve of a waist, his hand tucked just beneath the swell of somebody else's breast, and his face was pressed into the middle of another human beings smooth back.  
  
Further inspection revealed that (presumably in his sleep) he'd curled himself around this person's tender sleeping form, so that his entire lower half was very thoroughly molded against theirs, and their legs and feet were tangled together.  
  
Blinking in drowsy confusion, he settled back against her, pressed his cheek to her back, and listened to the even sound of her breathing. Okay, think. Think, think, think. What the hell had he done last night? And who was this?  
  
Very carefully, he eased himself up into a sitting position, and stared down at the girl he'd been using as a pillow.  
  
She had long black hair that fell into her eyes before spilling out behind her onto the pillow. Beneath the hair, he could see a soft-looking pink mouth, the lips parted as she breathed. Her nose was small and pert, her eyes large and fitted with thick lashes, her eyebrows dark and brooding.  
  
She was annoyingly adorable in her sleep, so cute and flushed and completely vulnerable. Waking up next to someone like that would have been great if he'd known her. Too bad he had no idea who the hell she was.   
  
He flopped back down onto the bed, all his early care not to wake her forgotten. She bounced slightly at his sudden movement, and then sighed as she settled, making a noise so undeniably cute as she snuggled back into the covers that he wanted to cuddle her.  
  
Damn.  
  
He scowled at the ceiling. This just wasn't fair. This was unusual, and this wasn't fair.   
  
He replayed last night through his mind diligently. Okay, he'd driven out to Miroku's Summer House. He'd gone into the house, brushed his teeth, and gone to bed. He hadn't gotten drunk. He hadn't brought any adorable, snuggly women home with him. He'd just gone to bed! So what the hell was going on???   
  
The woman in question decided on that very moment to moan softly in her sleep and roll over.  
  
He found himself nearly nose-to-nose with that softly pouting face, and he froze completely at the sight.  
  
Shit, shit, shit. If he hadn't brought her home, and she hadn't snuck in, then that would mean she was there first, and he'd snuck into bed with her without realizing it. Now that would be a Very Bad Thing for him if she freaked out when she found him lying there next to her.   
  
...that is, if she found him lying there next to her when she woke up...  
  
Eyeing her sleeping face for any possible signs of wakefulness, and judging by her deep breathing that she was very much asleep, he carefully began to edge his way off the bed. Delicately, he unraveled his feet and legs from hers, trying not to revel in the silken texture of her skin, and how it seemed to caress him as he pulled away. He groaned. God, was he really that desperate that he had to be turned on by the feeling of some random girls legs brushing his? Had it really been that long since his last girl?  
  
Scowling, he continued to slither off the bed, and nearly cried when she made yet another soft cooing sound in her sleep. He gritted his teeth and tried to calm his rapidly beating heart. Yes, dammit, it had been that long.   
  
Blah.  
  
Stupid world.  
  
It was then, as he had an arm and a leg over the edge of the bed and was about to make his getaway, that his foot decided to get tangled in the sheets. Even more unfortunate, however, was that he was off-balance when this happened, as half his body was leaning over the edge of the mattress, and he ended up falling off the bed and hitting the floor with a loud, undignified thump that surely woke his slumbering bed partner.   
  
He also took most of the blankets with him.  
  
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!  
  
And double damn!  
  
He lay there, breathing heavily, trying to swallow his rapid pulse, and straining his ears for the slightest hint that she'd woken up. Long seconds passed where the only sounds he heard was that of her soft breathing and his own pounding heartbeat.   
  
He waited perhaps a second too long to crawl out of the room, because the instant he decided it was safe to move, was the very moment she decided to moan in her sleep.  
  
The sound nearly stopped his heart. Shit, was she waking up??  
  
He stared wildly at the edge of the mattress, expecting at any moment for her to roll over and come face to face with him and start screaming her head off. And that would be bad. He winced at the thought. No, that was not what he wanted to happen at all.  
  
But she didn't roll over. She just continued to make unhappy little sounds. He raised an eyebrow. Was she dreaming, then?  
  
Another minute passed and she continued to make those noises, but wasn't moving.   
  
And then she spoke. "No...don't..."  
  
His ears perked up at the words. She had to be dreaming.   
  
He had a thirty-second battle with himself before curiosity won over caution and he peeked over the edge of the bed.  
  
There she lay, in short pajama shorts and a slightly unbuttoned top, hands clutching the sheet beneath her, back arched slightly, faced scrunched up into a heavy frown.  
  
His eyes widened to the size of saucers. Wow.   
  
With her back arched like that, her toes curling, her legs a little spread, and those soft moaning sounds forcing their way through her clenched teeth, she looked like she was in mid---  
  
No! Bad boy! Must not think such things! You don't even know her! Bad! Bad!  
  
Despite the mental slaps he was giving himself, he couldn't bring himself to look away. It was quite a sight. After all, it wasn't every day he got to see a highly attractive young woman in short-shorts and a scant pajama top wriggling around on his mattress when he first woke up in the morning.  
  
He hung his head. Damn. It really had been too long. His mouth was already dry and he didn't even know her.  
  
And then she started whimpering.   
  
His head jerked back up and he stared at her, finding on her face a look of pain and rage. His eyebrows shot up further. Woa, bad dream. Poor girl.  
  
Well, he reasoned, even so, her dreaming was no reason for him to get caught. She could wake up at any moment, and now that he was out of the bed, it really was in his best interest to leave immediately.  
  
He turned his head, reaching for his duffel bag and making a small move towards the door, when she let out a soft cry of pain that froze him. Ah, no, don't start with the pained noises, girlie. Not now, when he was still so vulnerable to her feminine charms.  
  
*Whimper* *cry*  
  
He hung his head in defeat. Damn his chivalrous nature. Dammit it all to hell.  
  
Slowly, grudgingly, he turned around and stared at her. She was thrashing slightly, writhing around and looking more than a little frightened. Gloomily, he climbed back onto the bed so that he sat beside her, and cautiously slipped his hand into hers, hoping to bring some comfort to her. Her hand tightened in his as she whimpered, sweat puckering on her furrowed brow. He smoothed her damp bangs out of her face, and sighed. Well, hopefully she would calm down and not wake up in time to watch him leaving.  
  
Kagome was dreaming.  
  
She knew it, because there was a sense of wrongness to where she was. As if she was supposed to be partially cognizant there through some malicious intent of her mind. Which was odd, because she normally wouldn't inflict that sort of thing on herself. No vast spaces of hollow darkness that echoed with evil laughter. No, Kagome was not a dreamer of bad things. Her dreams usually involved giant bowls of steaming oden that she would swim in as she feasted, or endless supplies of pocky just waiting for her to devour, or...bunnies and stuffed monkeys and...stuff of that nature. Kagome sweatdropped when she realized how fluffy all her dreams were. Jeeze, when did she become such a sissy?  
  
Meh. Regardless of her usual silly dreams, she couldn't disregard the fact that for two nights in a row she'd had bad dreams. It was highly unusual, and not something she wanted to dismiss, especially since she was in another bad dream.  
  
She shook her head. She also had to admit to the possibly that this dream wasn't actually that bad. Sure, it was dark and gloomy and a little creepy, but it was her dream...maybe she could brighten it up some?  
  
She scrunched up her face and closed her eyes, wondering as she did it if it was even necessary. It was a dream, after all. She kept her eyes closed, though, as she brought an image of oden into her mind. A great big, steaming, deliciously scented bowl of----  
  
"I wouldn't do that if I were you."  
  
She faltered, and blinked. What the...? That hadn't come from her. She was sure of it. But it not coming from her wasn't possible. So then how...?  
  
She heard laughter all around her. Deep, rumbling, and particularly male, laughter. Her eyes widened. "Sweetheart, this just isn't that kind of dream. You can't chase me away this time. No one is going to wake you up." Kagome felt that voice run across her skin like a sweaty caress, and she shivered, her skin tingling in wake of the contact. Who was doing this??  
  
"You mean you don't remember me?" the voice pouted, "I remember you, sweetheart. I remember your taste..." She felt a hot tongue run along her neck, and the sick feeling in her stomach spread up into her throat. What in the---  
  
"Ah, Ah, Ah, Kag-chan. I wanna feel you beneath my hands again..."  
  
Someone elses hands found their way under her blouse, fondling her skin possessively, locking her in place with a grip that burned. She struggled, that sense of utter wrongness choking her, and with a great wrench, flung herself free of her captor.  
  
She whirled in the dark, stumbling over her feet, his laughter chasing her footsteps. Outrage ran through her hotter and faster than blood, and she lashed out at whoever was taunting her. GoawaygoawaygoAWAY!!!  
  
He continued to laugh, and actually made a soft tut-tut at her behavior.  
  
It was that soft reprimand that gave the voice away.  
  
//Kouga.//  
  
"Ooh, look at you. Didn't think you were gonna figure it out, darlin'. Well, I'm glad you proved me wrong. Wouldn't want to have a stupid woman, now would I? Wouldn't look good to the gang."  
  
//You sick fucking bastard. Get out of my head right now or I'll cut you in half! Better yet, stay here! I'll have a hella good time kicking your lying ass!//  
  
He chuckled. The bastard actually had the gall to chuckle. Ooh, she was going to kill him!  
  
"Kagome, Kagome. You poor, silly girl. When are you going to realize that you can't beat me? I own you. You are mine. The sooner you realize it and come back to me, the better off you and your family will be."  
  
She lunged at darkness, snarling at his laughter. He wasn't anywhere. He had no substance, no self. How was she supposed to strangle a ghost??  
  
//I'll never be yours again, Kouga! It's over between us. I despise you.//  
  
She put as much loathing as she could into the words, and lashed at him with them.   
  
To her surprise, she felt him recoil in pain. Triumph flared within her. Ha! Take that!  
  
Something struck her full in the face, sending her sprawling into a tangle of limbs on the floor. His anger hit her in scalding waves, flattening her, leaving her quivering and whimpering in rage and fear. She lashed out again, striking blindly with her emotions---and all at once the torrent of rage he'd been channeling at her stopped. She strained her ears and listened, panting slightly, adrenaline singing through her veins.  
  
Suddenly he laughed again, and this time she was sure it was close by.  
  
She opened her eyes, and found him staring down at her, looking grimly amused. His handsome face had that stupid self-important smirk that she had grown to loathe.  
  
Her face contorted with rage. //You sick BASTARD!// She swung her fist to pummel him, but he caught her wrist.   
  
His face was peaceful as he held her down. His hand clamped down on her other wrist even as she thought to move it, and Kagome found to her dismay, that for some reason she couldn't move any of her limbs anymore. He stroked her wrist, his expression of lazy contentment never shifting.  
  
He leaned close to her, breathing in deeply. She cringed away from him, disgust curling in her guts. And to think she ever liked the man...God. Maybe she had temporarily lost her mind or something. There was no way she was such a bad judge of character that she didn't see Kouga had this in him.  
  
"You have such a valiant, fighting spirit, Kagome. Even in your dreams, you're proud and strong." He leaned closer, staring deeply into her eyes, his mouth a scant inch from hers. She could feel him breathing, feel the heat radiating from him. He nuzzled her cheek. "I like it."  
  
//get off me, Kouga! Get off me right now!//  
  
He ignored her and continued to nuzzle her, taking in a deep breath as he did so. "Have you ever read that children's book, 'if you give a mouse a cookie'?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. //what the hell are you talking about?//  
  
He continued on as if she hadn't spoken. "Every time that little boy gave the mouse a cookie, the mouse wanted more and more, and there were consequences every time."  
  
He's completely insane, she thought. Completely and totally off his rocker.   
  
"Well, you're my cookie, Kagome, and I'm the mouse. I just want more and more of you, and I'm going to have my fill, sweetheart. Whether you like it or not." The last was said so viciously that she felt it tear through her skin. She whimpered again through clenched teeth, trying her damndest not to give him the satisfaction of her suffering. She gathered her rage again, preparing to strike the loony bastard and kick him the hell out of her mind, when suddenly, a calming presence filled the gloom of her dream.  
  
Kouga shoved her away from him, hissing and yowling like a cat drenched in water.  
  
Kagome got to her feet, staring at the dreamscape as it began to steadily brighten with an amber light more beautiful and more comforting than any dawn she had ever seen. Kouga was fading before her eyes, looking wild with fury. He was a wisp of fighting black smoke, a phantom, a shade, and she knew with complete certainty that there wasn't a damn thing he could do to hurt her when that golden presence was there. She laughed at him then, grinning as his form spun into non-existence. //Not so proud now, are ya, Kouga?//  
  
"I'll get you, bitch! And your little dogs, too! Don't think I can't sense them! I'll teach you to cheat on me! I'll-----"  
  
The amber light flared up with a blinding brilliance, swallowing his shrieking shadow, and spitting him out of her mind. The light rose and rose over her like a tidal wave, and as she stretched her head up to see, she realized that there was no limit to it. That never-ending light rose above her like a sea of wonder, and she craned her head back further to watch the edges of it sparkle and gleam with promise.  
  
And when it crashed down on her, she was smiling peacefully.  
  
When she was making those cute little whimpering sounds, he hadn't really regretted staying to make sure she was okay. When she started growling and writhing about, he was more fascinated than annoyed. Even when she started throwing herself around on the bed and right into his lap, he wasn't bothered. Wasn't every day a beautiful girl wriggled around in his lap, after all.  
  
It was when she started lashing out at him like he was trying to kill her that he began to be annoyed. It was when he had to forceably hold her down to keep her from throwing herself off the bed by straddling her and pinning her arms to her side, that he knew there was no turning back. She was going to wake up and meet him for the first time with him on top of her, and then she was going to kill him.  
  
He knew this, and yet for some inexplicable reason, he couldn't bring himself to get up off of her and very quickly (and safely) exit the room. So he found himself in quite a situation, one he knew his own sense of honor wasn't going to let him safely get out of. With a sigh of resignation, he leaned into her and pressed his nose into her throat, breathing in the rich, floral scent of her skin. From deep within his chest he willed up that rumbling gift of his women seemed to like so much, and with one last, resigned sigh, began to purr.   
  
She stilled her struggling beneath him almost instantly, and as her fists uncurled, and as her body relaxed and a small, peaceful smile graced her features, he knew, beyond any possible doubt, that she was going to wake up at any moment, and that that moment would be his last.  
  
So when her eyelids fluttered, and that adorable little smile on her face curled into a yawn, that innate male terror that told him he was so getting slapped with a sexual harassment suit the instant she became cognizant, kicked into action, and his grip on her wrists loosened. Okay, he knew she was going to kill him. Being freaked out was not going to solve anything. Think Zen, boyo.   
  
You are ...the leaf.   
  
You are ...the tofu?   
  
You are ... so full of crap.   
  
He hung his head. Damn, Zen just wasn't his forte. He shook his head and said one last prayer to the universe for her not to kill him, and watched fearfully as her eyes began to open.  
  
He was greeted by the slightest hint of blue, then little flecks of grey peeked out from beneath the steadily lifting lids, then the darkness of contracting pupils. Her eyelids fluttered, quivering, as she stretched a bit and yawned.  
  
He stared, mouth open. It had to be a sin for someone to be so damn sexy first thing in the morning. It was wrong for her to look that good right away! Especially when he couldn't have her, and even more especially because in about two seconds she was going to disembowel him.  
  
And then she just had to arch up into him.  
  
He nearly collapsed at that. Oh, hell no! He skittered off of her then, tumbling off the bed and hitting the wall with a loud BANG that sent books tumbling off their precarious perches and falling to the floor with equally loud thumps. He cringed at each one, nearly in tears.   
  
Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!!!!   
  
He scrambled to his feet, tripping over them in the process and falling on his ass again. Oh, no, no, no! This was just his luck!   
  
He struggled to the door as the girl in his bed yawned again and made little grumbling noises of annoyance, the bare skin of his legs burned by the carpet in the process. Wincing and falling on his face again as his wrist gave out in his haste, he looked up to find himself an inch away from the door.  
  
Oh, thank God.  
  
He reached up for the knob and twisted it clumsily.  
  
It clicked.  
  
His heart fell into his guts, and he twisted the knob again frantically.  
  
Click  
  
It was locked! Goddammit!  
  
Heart pounding like a hammer in his chest, his eyes searched wildly around the room for a place to hide. They fell on what could very well be his salvation or his doom, and without a second thought, he scrambled for the tall, slender lamp in the corner, shimmied up the wall into a standing position, and jammed himself into the corner behind it. He closed his eyes and held his breath, trying desperately to ignore the nervous sweat that now beaded his brow and upper lip. He said a silent prayer to the Universe, Buddha, Krishna, the God, and God, in frantic hope that ONE of them would have power over his fate and make her not see him! He hoped he hoped he hoped...  
  
The girl was groaning again, and he peeked one eye open to see what his Doom was doing. She was rolling herself into a sitting position heavily, lazily stretching her arms above her head as all that hair of hers spilled down her back like heavy, layered silk. He bit his lip and opened the other eye. She yawned, throwing her head back and arching into the morning sunlight.  
  
His mouth twisted up as if he'd bitten something sour, and his eyes got huge and watery. He pouted angrily as she got to her feet and stretched again. This was starting to piss him off. Really, why would nature put him in this position to be so close to...to...to that and not be able to touch her? It wasn't bloody fair!  
  
It also wasn't bloody fair that he hadn't been with a woman in ages...  
  
But that was a different matter entirely.  
  
The sound of her heavy, trudging footsteps walking around the bed and toward the door snapped him back into reality. He tensed and clamped his eyes shut again, trying not to breath at all, and waited as her trudge-shuffling self got steadily closer and closer...  
  
Glaring at whatever supreme power controlled his fate from behind his eyelids, he pressed his back harder into the wall, hoping that smooshing his flesh into the cool surface would somehow camouflage his own pale skin. It would work! It...could work...couldn't it?  
  
A sinking feeling of doubt was the absolute last thing he needed at the moment. She wouldn't see him! It wasn't going to happen! All he had to do was tell himself to look on the bright side, and...  
  
And she chose that exact moment to stop walking toward the door.  
  
His bladder contracted painfully.  
  
OhGodohGodohGodohGodohGodohGod---  
  
He then had an overwhelming compulsion to open his eyes that could not be thwarted. He tried, though it was in vain, knowing that upon the lifting of his silver-lashed lids, his awful fate would be sealed and she would serve him his own balls on a silver platter. His senses were screaming at him to not open his eyes, every instinct wailing indistinctively that it was not a good idea at all.  
  
Nevertheless, he opened his eyes.  
  
She was staring at her reflection in a full-length mirror that was facing his corner.  
  
No, she was looking at the reflection of a lamp with a nearly naked, extremely frightened looking man behind it in a full-length mirror.  
  
No, she was looking at him!  
  
It was in that moment of absolute terror that whatever sense and intelligence he had decided to fall into a dead faint onto the floor and leave him standing there left to his own devices.  
  
His lips quivered as a stunned, comprehensive expression filled her lovely face, and it was in that moment that he knew that if she fully woke up, his balls were as good as gone. Desperation fueled with a dab of insanity brought forth from the depths of his soul one last frightened (and completely crazy) plan, and he said in the firmest voice he could muster, with the most integrity he could find within himself, while looking deeply into her confused blue eyes, "You don't see me."  
  
She blinked at him, completely bewildered, and opened her mouth to object.  
  
"Nope! You don't see anything! No one is talking to you right now!" he roared, making her jump.  
  
Indignation filled her fact. "But-"  
  
"What did I just say?? Are you deaf?! There's no one here! You are alone in this room! I'm not standing behind a lamp in my underwear at all! I'm not even real!"  
  
"But...yes you are! I see you! You're standing behind that lamp in your underwear!" she accused, but she looked incredibly fuzzy and confused as she said it.   
  
"You're LYING!" he attempted to roar, although it came out closer to a shriek.  
  
They stared at each other then, his eyes wide and wild, and her looking like she might cry from complete confusion.  
  
And then she gathered her wits together and frowned at him. "No, I'm not! I can see you, you idiot! You're standing behind my lamp!"  
  
"Eh...No, I'm not!"  
  
"Yes, you are!"  
  
"No I'm not!"  
  
"YES. YOU. ARE!"  
  
"NOI'MNOT!!!"  
  
"Well, then what the hell ARE YOU DOING?!" she demanded, stamping her foot on the floor.  
  
He sniffed indignantly, squared his shoulders, and jutted his chin out in defiance. "I'm not doing anything, you weirdo. I AM the lamp."  
  
Her mouth fell open and she stared at him in completely confusion.  
  
She shook her head and blinked, gathering herself up again. "But---"  
  
"No! You're just confused! You need to leave the room immediately, and forget you were ever talking to a lamp!"  
  
"But I-"  
  
"Leave! Leave now!" He shrieked each word, rattling the lamp for emphasis. She took a step back before realizing what she was doing and glaring at him.  
  
"Now wait a-"  
  
"I'm not listening! You're just talking to yourself, you loony! What kind of a nutjob are you, anyway, talking to a lamp?!"  
  
She stared at him unhappily, looking so perplexed it was painful for him to look at her, but he screwed his expression into a stern scowl and did it anyway.  
  
"Out! Get out! Do it! Do it now! NOW!" He roared.  
  
She had taken two running leaps toward the door before she stopped, put her hands on her hips, and pouted at him. "Well, you don't have to be so mean about it." She grumbled.  
  
"Out! Now! Madwoman! Weirdo! Freak! Oddball! You're talking to a lamp, you wack job! Get out of here before I call the loony bin!"  
  
"But you're a lamp..."  
  
"That's not the point!"  
  
"Well, then what is the point??!" she asked crossly, continuing her walk to the door.  
  
"That you've gone off your rocker because you're talking to a goddamn lamp, that's what! And you've got to leave or I really will call the loony bin!" He reached for the phone on the nightstand and rattled it at her threateningly. "I will! I'll do it! Don't tempt me! I'm a merciless, angry lamp!" He shook the phone at her for extra emphasis, quirking his eyebrows into what he hoped was an evil expression.  
  
"I'm leaving already, jeeze!"  
  
"Out, get out out OUT!!!!!!!"  
  
"Shut up!!" she shouted as she unlocked the door and pulled it open.  
  
"Leeeeaaaaave!!!" he yowled.  
  
"GODDAMN BLOODY LAMPS!" she hollered as she stomped into the hallway. "You can just stay in there for all I care!" She added, her face red with anger. She then turned on her heel, slamming the door behind her so hard the wall rattled. He waited until the pounding of her footsteps on the carpet were far from the door before tumbling out from behind the lamp with a loud gasp.  
  
He clutched his chest as he inhaled, leaning over and putting his other hand on his knee to support himself. His eyes were wet as he let out a shaky, strangled laugh. "Goddamn." He panted, shaking his head to clear out the adrenaline that was rushing through him and making his vision spin. "Inu-Yasha, old boy, you are one lucky bastard."   
  
It was then that the pounding of his disgruntled bed partners angry footsteps altered there thundering course and the stomping sound began to get closer rather than farther away. His heart lurched painfully in his chest.  
  
"Shit!"  
  
He dove for his duffel bag beside the bed, and made like hell for the window.  
  
If all else failed, he told himself, to hell with doors. When in peril, use the window.  
  
Kagome, in her hungover fury, paused suddenly at the end of the hall, the inkling that something was not quite right making a clear path through her fuzzy brain. She stared at the floor, then at the living room doorway, then at the wall, trying to place just what seemed out of place.  
  
Had she missed something?  
  
And then it hit her.  
  
"Goddamn stupid sonofa----" she muttered as she wheeled around and stormed back up the hall until she reached her closed door. She grasped the doorknob and flung the door open to reveal--- an empty room, where the only sight that greeted her was the gentle stirring of her pale yellow curtains in the breeze.  
  
She stayed confused for the rest of the day.  
  
___________  
  
End note: alright, first off, I had more I was going to write at the end of this chapter, but I decided to save it for the next one just to make sure I had a jump start on chapter 10 as a precaution against my usual writers block when it comes to this story. So if this chapter felt a little incomplete, it's because it kinda was. Secondly, I actually do have a basic plan of action for this story, and I want you to know that it IS heading in some sort of direction. Whether that direction makes any SENSE is not the point! This story isn't really supposed to be rational. Urgh. I'm not even going to try to read the previous ones. I have a love/hate relationship with OUR HOUSE, and I'm currently in the 'oh my freaking god why the hell did I write that??!!' kind of mood for the previous chapters. So! Read them over again if you feel you must, but if not, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. A new one will be following it shortly. La! 


	10. e' is even more

a/n: laaaa...well, everything in my life has finally settled down, so aside from being busy with school, i have finally have the time to continue writing this story. so here's the next chapter, in all its jumbled, confusing, seemingly-plotless glory. i hope you enjoy it.   
  
warning: this story doesn't make much sense and is sometimes crude. So if, at some point, you start to feel a little lost, just go with it and keep reading. because there's no point in hurting your brain by trying to figure out whats going on in mine. :p   
  
disclaimer: meow...i don't own inu-yasha.   
  
OUR HOUSE  
  
chapter 10  
  
-'e' is even more of everything (that you adore?)  
  
Sango tapped her fingers on the arm of an excessively uncomfortable waiting room chair, and tried her damndest to keep the noises from within the room she was guarding from savagely pummeling what sanity existed within her into an unrecognizable pulp. Understand that Sango without the barest shred of sanity within her was a very dangerous and unstoppable force, one that wielded illegal hallucinogenic drugs in sharp pointy needles and was not at all against stabbing random people with them, and that being the case, be reminded that sanity in Sango was incredibly necessary.  
  
It was moments such as these, where the comfort-level of the known universe was threatened by a simple husky sound, that the rational portion of Sango should force her into an action that would lead her Very Far Away to a safe, sound-proof zone where such sanity-threatening things could not reach her.  
  
However.  
  
She was bound by sacred oath to the church she so humbly served, to stay put and keep watch, and make sure only one nun went into His room at a time in order to preserve His sacred organ. (She shuddered at the thought). And so, as she was a creature of honor and dignity, she would remain sitting thusly, knuckles white from her death grip on the armrests, her left eyelid twitching slightly, trying to block out the squeals and grunts that flitted in staccato bursts from the hospital room where the Priest was recovering under the loving minstrations of horny nuns.  
  
A keening wail suddenly trumpeted from behind the closed door she was guarding.  
  
Sango closed her eyes and counted to ten. She wasn't listening to this. She couldn't hear anything. She was just doing her job. Her job. Just doing her job…  
  
Her job just didn't pay her well enough to deal with this sort of thing. Sure, she was earning brownie points for the after life by doing her duty, but when the childish and frighteningly powerful nuns you'd been working with for the past couple of years had the opportunity to turn all that energy that they used to put into fighting off demons and monsters, into legal SEX…well, there just wasn't enough brownie points in the universe to justify her having to sit still and LISTEN to the horrifying madness.  
  
And now the bed in the room was creaking. And there were moans. And a load bang that made no sense, and she had no desire to make sense of it even as her mind reeled in the direction of logic in order to explain the reason for such a sound—no! nononononoNO! She was NOT thinking in the direction!  
  
She closed her eyes tightly and shook her head, ignoring the sting across her face as her long hair whipped at her skin.  
  
This was just not what she signed up for when she applied as a Holy Bodyguard and/or Exterminator of Evil.  
  
This just wasn't RIGHT.  
  
Screams. Gasps. The shrieking of 'priest puh-puh-puh puhrieeeeeeeest' rang though the air in a sickening broken mantra.  
  
Sango retreated in to the safe and silent darkest corners of her mind, and drew stick figure sketches of castration and maiming of not-so-innocent nuns in the hopes that they'd come to life and she wouldn't have to put up with this crap anymore because this was SO not her job and---  
  
The noises stopped.  
  
Sango emerged from the protective cacoon of the darkest reaches of her mind to find that the door to His room had opened and He was leaning against the doorframe, looking flushed but very pleased with himself.  
  
Her brain gagged, she gagged, her stomach flopped and did a tap-dance, and things lower in her body tugged and hummed unexpectedly (but that last bit shall not ever be mentioned again by anybodyinthisroom because it DID NOT ACTUALLY HAPPEN---- ;;;) at the sight of Him standing there so smug and shiny with sweat.   
  
In reaction to the unexpected lunge of her heart to her throat in its attempt to escape through her mouth and make her say things she'd regret, she narrowed her eyes and sent him a scathing glare that made him take a step back. He really was looking a lot healthier now that she was making sure only one nun jumped him at a time, and he had ample recovering time between each session. The bruise on his nose had faded. His skin had lost its deathly pallor to be replaced by a healthy flushed glow—all in all, he looked much better than he had.  
  
Which made thoughts of knocking him unconscious and castrating him so she wouldn't have to play pimp anymore all the more enticing. Heh. He could handle it. He was all better now. All it'd take is a quick knock and snip---  
  
Her blasphemous thoughts must have showed on her face, because he paled considerably and made a visible effort not to step back any further.   
  
She watched him with a Cheshire cat grin stretching across her face, and his eyes widened in fearful response.   
  
And then, pleasantly enough, just when she thought she would make an easy kill, he surprised her by schooling his features and planting a telltale smirk on his face.   
  
Well, she thought, maybe there was more to Him than she'd originally assumed.   
  
She quirked an eyebrow at him, and waited for him to respond.  
  
He smiled at her silkily and sashayed towards her, swinging his slender hips in a way the definitely should not have been as alluring as it was. The shoulder of his robe slipped down one arm, revealing smooth skin rosy from recent exertions, and modest, but decidedly well-formed arms and chest muscles. He very gently and tenderly placed his hands on hers, leaned in close so that his robe parted further to reveal a washboard-smooth abdomen and the shadows leading to lower places, and smoothed his cheek against hers.   
  
"Why Sango, " he purred, and the delicious sound shivered down her spine, "Whatever is the matter?"  
  
She stared at his ears. Nicely rounded ears that curved in a fragile shell and didn't breath huskily down her neck, and didn't caress her fingertips in a way that made her respond as she'd never responded to anything before. Those ears were shrouded by thick, dark hair that smelled sweetly of sandlewood and cinnamon and sweat. The hair stirred with each surprisingly shaky breath she took, and as she stared at his ears she wondered how he would respond if she were to take that delicate shell of flesh between her lips and run the skin across her teeth---  
  
"Oh, Priest, that was wonderful. Can we go again before my turn is up? I don't feel quite cleansed enough, yet."  
  
The feminine voice cut through Sango's fogged brain and her heavy-lidded eyes all at once snapped open, and the rosy heat that had been building inside of her turned to ice.   
  
Her hand closed around His throat and she dug her nails into the pulsing artery on the side of His neck. She lifted Him away from her body, smiled into his bulging eyes as he choked and wheezed for breath, and promptly planted her other fist in his face with a roar of, "PERVERT!!!"  
  
His head knocked back, but she kept her deathgrip on his throat and hissed into his face, "Don't you, " punch, "EVER punch, "TOUCH ME AGAIN!"  
  
She shoved him away from her, and he hit the wall opposite them, and slid to the floor in an unconscious heap.  
  
Beside her the recently bedded nun was gasping and shrieking hysterically, crying 'murder!' and 'blasphemy!' and 'ohmygod what about my next turn???'   
  
A deadly, blood-freezing smile stretched across Sango's face as she casually reached over and stabbed the wailing nun in the thigh with a needle.   
  
The nun promptly passed out on the floor.  
  
The orderlies, when they did arrive, found Sango sitting in her chair in an empty hallway. They stared at her in bewilderment, and she smiled innocently. "They've fallen asleep." She said lazily, and stretched in her seat.  
  
An empty hypodermic needle fell from her jacket and rolled across the floor to stop at the orderlies feet.  
  
They stared at Sango, and she continued to smile, though her eyes sharpened and that smile turned dangerous.  
  
They took three careful steps back before turning on the heels and making a run for it.  
  
Sango made herself comfortable in her chair and smirked at the wall.  
  
Revenge was so very sweet.  
  
Sesshomaru turned the radio up as he wheeled around the corner that lead to the country road to Miroku's Summer House, just barely skimming the mail box planted disadvantageously near the middle of the road. Shaking his head, but still smiling (as he had been all day), he eased his Jeep Cherokee over the bumps and crevices that marred the face of the road, and sang along with the radio, " So she said, what's the problem baby? What's the problem? I don't know well maybe I'm in love (love!). Think about it every time I think about it can't stop thinking 'bout it!"  
  
He jiggied in his seat enthusiastically, bobbing his head, tapping his hands against the wheel, and grinning as he sang along. He felt so good today!  
  
He went through a large pothole in the road as he moved into the next verse of the song, " How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if its love (love!). Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nuthin 'bout love!"  
  
Sesshomaru caught sight of a flash of white headdress against black dress in the bushes and his voice trailed off. His eyes narrowed and he pursed his lips as he squinted in into the grasses.   
  
Come on, come on, turn a little faster  
  
He sped up to chase the bobbing figure in the tall grasses surrounding the house.  
  
Come on, come on, the world will follow after  
  
He veered off the road, switching to 4-wheel drive, and zoomed after the intruder. He wasn't about to let anybody mess with Kagome. Be it nun or crazed ex-boyfriend. He'd make sure they didn't bother her. His eyes narrowed as he picked speed.  
  
Come on, come on, cause everybody's after love  
  
Sesshomaru went flying through the tall grasses as the intruder picked up his pace—how was this person going so fast on foot? It couldn't be a nun, then. It had to be Kouga in disguise! A growl leaked out of Sesshomaru's mouth and he glared at his prey. He smirked suddenly as he caught sight of the intruder again. Kagome wouldn't miss the guy if he ran him over…  
  
So I said I'm a snowball running. Running down into the spring that's coming, all this love melting under blue skies, belting out sunlight shimmering love  
  
Cackling to himself, Sesshomaru decided not to tell Kagome that he'd run over someone in her defense. After all, if she knew everything was fine, she might go home, and he didn't want that at all. He wasn't quite sure why he didn't want her to leave, but he wasn't about to think about it now. He tightened his grip on the wheel, grinned viciously and pressed his foot down harder on the petal. He hit a bump and went soaring, landing neatly on his front tires before continuing. The intruder was making a run for the trees, but this Sesshomaru would catch the bastard before he made it.   
  
Well, baby I surrender to the strawberry ice cream never ever end of all this love. Well I didn't mean to do it, but there's no escaping your love  
  
Sesshomaru was suddenly in clear sight of the intruder, and his long white veil glinted in the sun. Whoever it was, he was moving pretty damn fast to avoid a jeep. Dimly Sesshomaru was aware of someone yelling, but he just turned up the radio. This intruder was gonna get run over, come hell or high water. He smirked evilly and leaned over the wheel.   
  
And then the guy made it to the damn trees.  
  
These lines of lightning mean we're never alone, never alone, no, no  
  
With a snarl, Sesshomaru slammed on the brakes, put the car in neutral, and leapt out to hunt on foot. His smirk broadened; no one could outrun him. The loud, chirpy music he'd been listening followed him as he ran.  
  
Come on, come on move a little closer  
  
He was nearing the intruder. A mere ten yards distance separated them.  
  
Come on, come on I want to hear you whisper  
  
The intruder glanced back suddenly---and both he and Sesshomaru froze.  
  
Come on, come on settle down inside my love  
  
The man turned around completely, the shock on his face shifting into an intense glare. Sesshomaru winced.  
  
"Sesshomaru! What the FUCK is your problem?!"  
  
Sesshomaru paled, and almost caught himself fidgeting. What the hell HAD he been doing? He didn't quite understand it himself. He didn't usually run off the road in a murderous rage intent on running people over, for the sake of protecting beautiful women. It wasn't in his character.   
  
But it seemed he was in a situation where he might be forced to explain his uncharacteristic behavior, and he wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea.  
  
So there he stood in the tall grasses of the field behind his house, the summer sun tangling through his silver hair, with a very angry man huffing and glaring at him from ten yards away. Sesshomaru' s eyes suddenly narrowed as he made his retalitory decision. Total denial.  
  
"This Sesshomaru does not have a problem, Inu-Yasha."  
  



	11. it's them, it's not me

a/n: I'm sorry I took so long to update. Truth be told, I would have just discontinued this story if I wasn't still getting the occasional review. sad, but true. I'm a review whore.

Disclaimer: honestly, this is a fan fiction site. Do you really think I'm going to claim ownership? Psh. Honestly.

WARNING: if you're expecting a story that makes sense, just stop reading. Cuz this just...doesn't, and I don't to get flamed because this is too OOC for you.

OUR HOUSE

Chapter 11: 'its them, its not me'

Kagome was pawing at the hot and cold water handles in the bathtub when the showerhead decided to attack her.

She was sitting nude at the bottom of the tub when it happened, her hair sticking up in odd directions, her eyes bloodshot from her hangover. She'd made the decision to sit because standing in a slippery tub when she could barely stand an carpeted ground didn't seem like a good idea, and she didn't fancy cracking her head open on the tiles of Miroku's bathroom. Especially not when it would be Sesshomaru who would find her naked, comatose self. Kagome, naked and dizzy as she was, was already grouchy because of the confusion with the lamp in her bedroom, and trying to figure out what had just happened with that lamp was making her extremely hung-over mind throb in disagreement at its use. So when the showerhead attacked, that crankiness shifted a couple gears into psychotically homicidal, and her hand shot up at the first wizzing sound of it descending. She caught it by its slender tubing and dragged it, while it hissed and struggled, down to her eye-level.

Kagome glared.

"Listen, you. I've dealt with worse inanimate objects since being at this house, so don't even think for one moment that I'm going to put up with your nonsense. The rubber ducky was about as bad as I think you guys get, so this 'hissing and striking to attack' business had better stop now, because you're not about to impress anyone."

The showerhead hissed, spraying water on Kagome's face.

With a snarl, she smacked the showerhead against the tiled wall of the tub as hard as she could. It squeaked, and stopped spraying.

She gave it a good shake and continued to glare fiercely. "Not ONLY have I had to endure crazed town folk driving me out of my home because some FOOL spread rumors about me, but I had to drive here with my perverted cousin, who dumped COLD GUACAMOLE on me after I'd just gotten out of the shower. I get here, and nuns molest said cousin until he goes into an effing COMA. "She smacked the showerhead against the wall for emphasis, and didn't care if it was cruel. She was too bloody hung-over to give a damn." I then had to battle it out with said NUNS, and ended up getting the crap beaten out of me. Now I'm stuck living here with the sexiest man I've ever met in my life, and I've got to try to keep my hands off of him if I want to avoid sexual harassment lawsuits and even MORE complications. To top all this off, I just got into an argument with a bloody LAMP in my goddamn room. I do NOT need your crap this morning, douche! I really, really, REALLY don 't need your crap right now. So you're going to CHILL THE HELL OUT, and let me take a proper, soothing shower, so that I can gather up what strength I have to get through this damn day without molesting my housemate!! Do you understand me??!!!"

The douche simpered and ducked its head in shame. It dribbled water on her hand apologetically.

"Are you going to behave?" Kagome snarled venomously.

The douche nodded, and with one last warning growl, Kagome released it's slender throat. The showerhead demurely pulled back, and then nuzzled Kagome's hand, making apologetic purring noises. Kagome's left eyelid twitched.

"I'm too cranky right now for that to work on me. Just give me a good shower and I'll think about forgiving you." she grumped.

The douche nodded, though still looked a little depressed, and retracted all the way back to its mount on the wall. The water switched on, and Kagome found herself engulfed in a spray of perfectly acclimated hot water. With a sigh of tired contentment, she relaxed.

Sesshomaru and Inu-Yasha were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and talking when Kagome walked in, hair damp and steaming, skin flushed from her shower. She was feeling ten times better than she had when she'd woken up, the memories of her nightmare and the lamp yelling at her already fading away into the back of her mind, filed neatly in the space reserved for 'too traumatizing for the conscious mind'. She was looking forward to a nice breakfast cooked by her luscious housemate, and was secretly hoping he'd wear that adorable little apron he'd adorned when last he cooked for her. When she entered the kitchen, she only had eyes for Sesshomaru, and she flushed sweetly at the sight of him, feeling her knees start to go wobbly, and her heart pound in her chest. Nervous anticipation made her stomach flutter when his eyes met hers, and a small, welcoming smile graced his elegant features. This, she thought smugly, had the makings of being a very good day.

Kagome, feeling more confident now that she and Sesshomaru had made eye contact, scanned her glance across the kitchen, until her gaze landed on a slightly younger, slight scruffier, silver-haired, astonishingly handsome man. For a moment she didn't think much of this. In fact, for one moment, she almost didn't acknowledge that he was there. And then her fluttery, twitterpated brain caught up to the present----and she abruptly flipped out.

"YOU!!!"

Inu-Yasha was on his feet, scrambling for the kitchen door before Sesshomaru had even registered Kagome's reaction. He looked from his brother, to Kagome, all flushed and furious, and then back to his brother. "...wha---"

"Sesshomaru! Why is that LAMP in the kitchen???"

Both brothers nearly fell over, but it was Inu Yasha who recovered sooner. "Now, listen, about this morning---"

"Nope! No! I'm not listening to you! I'm not crazy! And I'm not going to start talking to a lamp!"

"But I'm NOT a la---"

"I said shut UP! You aren't actually talking, so just shut up!"

"Um, excuse me---"

"Woman, stop acting like an ass and open your eyes! I'm not a--"

"Lalalalala I can't hear you!!"

"Er..Inu..what...why??"

"Goddammit will you just stop acting like a child!!"

"Hey! Let go of my arm! You're a lamp! You can't do things like that!"

"But I'm NOT A LA---"

"When are you just going to accept what you are and SHUT THE HELL UP??? Lamps do not talk! Didn't your maker teach you ANYTHING?"

Sesshomaru stared, his eyes getting wider and more swirlly as the conversation continued. He had no idea what was going on, but by the looks of things, it wasn't pleasant, and trying to figure out what was going on while his brother and his house mate were shrieking at each other, was not a simple task. Still, he gave it a shot as the argument escalated, quietly pondering even as his anxiety level went up several dangerous notches.

"Wench, get your head out of your ass! I am NOT a LAMP!!!"

"If you don't let go of my arm I'm going to pull your plug and break your bulb!!! You'll never light up again!!"

"Do you see a fucking plug attached to my ass??? Do you??? And I don't HAVE a BULB for you to break, you ditzy freak!"

"It's underneath your clothes! You're just hiding it! You're probably battery powered because you're portable! I'll steal your batteries!! I'll do it!!"

"GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OUT OF MY SHIRT!"

"I know the plug is in their somewhere!!!"

"Hey! Don't touch me there!"

"Shut up! Where the hell is your stupid bulb?! I'll smash it, you conceited asshole! I'll teach you to mess with a human! Fucking inanimate objects thinking they're people!! I'm sick of it!! Come HERE!"

"ENOUGH!"

They froze.

Sesshomaru stood, glaring at them, and was very confused.

His new housemate and brother were fighting, and to his knowledge they'd never met before. Stranger still, his roommate was accusing his brother of being a lamp, and his brother had had a guilty expression on his face like he knew what she was talking about even while he denied her accusations. But she was accusing him of being a lamp, which really made no sense at all. And trying to puzzle the situation out with them yelling was making his head hurt, and dammit, this Sesshomaru did not like thinking under this kind of pressure!

Sesshomaru frowned, and then noticed the way Kagome's hand was under his brothers shirt, and remembered how she had been tearing at his clothes to find his 'plug'. The sight of her hand on his brother in such a manner made him feel homicidal enough that his eyes narrowed into slits as he glared at the pair. "Kagome, "he said sharply, making her jump, "That is my brother you're talking to, and he is not a lamp."

There was a very long pause, during which Kagome gaped at him before promptly spacing out for the span of five seconds. When those five seconds were finished, her head turned, oh so slowly, and she raised one hand, her finger slightly pointed at his brother, and stared at Inu-Yasha with a dangerous glint in her eyes. "Then if you're not a lamp..."she hissed slow, "What the HELL were you doing naked in my room this morning??!!!"

The bottom fell out of Sesshomaru's stomach and a roar tore its way out of his mouth, "YOU WHERE NAKED IN HER ROOM???!"

"I wasn't naked! I was wearing boxers!" Inu-Yasha squeaked, and fled to the other side of the kitchen table.

"YOU WERE IN HER ROOM IN YOUR BOXERS?!"

"Gyah! Er..eh..it wasn't my fault! I didn't know she was in there when I got in!!" By this time Inu-Yasha had taken several cautious steps toward the door. Kagome noticed this, and she glared at him fiercely.

"Don't you ever check if there's someone in the bed before you get into it?!" She snarled.

His face scrunched up in indignation. "Well, how was I supposed to know you'd be there?! It's not MY bloody fault Miroku changed his ' no one but the Taisho's' policy at random just so some tart cou--"

"Some TART?! This coming from a pervert who creeps into peoples rooms and exposes himself to unsuspecting, hungover women!"

"YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF IN FRONT OF HER??!!!"

Turning a bit green when he saw how close Sesshomaru was to the kitchen knives, Inu-Yasha gripped the door handle, and twisted it carefully. He was fully clothed, in shoes, and had his wallet in his back pocket. If he could make it to the highway, he'd be safe.

He just...had to make it to the highway...

And with the girl and his brother advancing on him with their hands hooked into claws and twin homicidal glints in their eyes, with Sesshomaru near the knives and the girl near a small mallet that was somehow on the kitchen table, he didn't think he'd make it.

"Now listen, "he began, trying desperately to sound soothing and only managing a frightened squeak, "I didn't EXPOSE myself. It was a simple mistake. I got in late last night and went to the room I ALWAYS stay in every time I come here, and went to bed. I was too tired to notice your girlfriend here---"

"I am not his girlfriend!"

"She is NOT my girlfriend!"

Inu-Yasha blinked at the now furiously blushing pair standing before him, who were now more occupied with being embarrassed than thinking about killing him. Alright, this was good. He could work with this. He managed the soothing tone this time, "Yeah. Okay. You're not dating. Rewind. I was too tired to noticed Miroku's COUSIN. It was a simple, honest mistake."

There was a very long, very agonizing pause, before the pair stopped advancing and looked as if the rational parts of their brains had turned on again. Inu-Yasha released his grip on the door, letting out the breath he'd been holding.

And then Kagome looked up and his blood froze on its path to his brain, making him go slightly cross-eyed from fear before she said, " Fine. Even so. Why, exactly, did you try to convince me that you were a lamp?"

The fear vanished and indignation took over. "I didn't TRY to convince you! I DID convince you!"

Kagome flushed. "Did not! I wasn't fooled for a second!"

"Like HELL you weren't! Woman, two minutes ago you were tearing at my shirt yowling about unplugging me and breaking my bulb! CONVINCED!"

"Not convinced!"

"CON-VINCED, you drunken wench!"

"Not convinced, you perverted, scrawny nympho!"

"This coming from YOU, little miss 'I'm going to strut about my room and arch my back in the hopes of giving unsuspecting males a flaming hard-on'!!!! Don't' call ME a nympho, you filthy SKANK!"

"WELL YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IN MY ROOM IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU FILTHY, LETCHEROUS, NUDIST!!!!!"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Sesshomaru roared.

The arguing pair froze and gaped at him. Sesshomaru in an fury was an awesome sight to behold. Had he been on a highway, the mere aura he radiated would cause several major car accidents, resulting in the deaths of no less than 25 adults, 16 children, and five pets, and two senior citizens. Faced with such rage, the two could do naught but stare and hope the silver-haired businessman wouldn't cook them for dinner and serve them to unsuspecting clients.

"Now, "Sesshomaru hissed, and Kagome and Inu-yasha stared at him, feeling much like a sinner awaiting judgement at the gates of hell, "There has been nothing but CHAOS since Kagome arrived here and I mean for it to END. I will NOT have her ENTIRE STAY be filled with people yelling, getting molested, or getting attacked by inanimate objects! We're supposed to be ADULTS here."

Inu-Yasha, being Sesshomaru's brother, had a slight immunity to the terror his brother's rage inspired. It was this immunity that allowed him to recover from his fear and snort at what his brother had actually said. "This coming from the guy who nearly ran me over with his jeep this morning because he thought I was a trespasser."

"You tried to run him over?" Kagome exclaimed, the shock of Inu-Yasha's statement jolting her system enough to make her verbalize.

Sesshomaru pinked, and snapped, "Of course I didn't!"

"Oh, bullshit! I still have the bruises!"

Panicking as Inu-Yasha started lifting his sleeve to reveal the scratches, Sesshomaru drew himself up to his full height and looked down his nose at his little brother. "This Sesshomaru does not take responsibility for your S and M fedish."

Inu-Yasha's mouth fell open.

So did Kagome's.

She gazed at him curiously. "You have an S and M fedish?"

He balked. "No! Of course I don't!!"

"Boo, I was hoping you did." She sighed, looking deflated.

This was so completely different in tone than the mood of the morning, that both brother squawked ,"Why?!" in unison, both intrigued and disturbed by her ability to change the topic of conversation so quickly

"Well, "she explained slowly, frowning slightly as she enunciated, "some of the rumors the people in my town spread about me had to do with S and M, and I'm actually not exactly sure what it is..."

The brothers gawked.

"Don't know...what it is?" Sesshomaru asked weakly, feeling very put-out after having just gotten so wound up from fear that Kagome would actually find out that he'd nearly done something insane for her.

Kagome tapped her chin as she contemplated the mechanics of S and M. "I mean, I know it has to do with submission and dominance in sex, but exactly where does the 'M' come into it? What is the 'M'? Ooh, wait--its masochism! It isn't dominance and submission at all! Its Sado-masochism!" She beamed at the brothers, pleased with herself for figuring out the complex meaning behind S and M.

Inu-Yasha, feeling a bit weak in the knees after all the trauma he'd endured that morning, pulled a chair out from under the kitchen table, and sat down heavily. "You're nuts." he muttered, and rubbed his face into his hands.

He felt the frown in her voice when she said, "How so?"

"You go from wanting to tear my eyes out and screaming at me, to pondering the deeper meaning behind the term S and M. Clearly, you are nuts."

She frowned harder. "I am not. It's not my fault inanimate objects keep attacking me."

Sesshomaru inwardly preened as he watched the banter going on between his brother and his housemate. He'd avoided confessing that he had, in fact, nearly run his brother over in a mad, protective rage, and it looked as if he was going to get away with it. This was a very good thing. He glanced at Kagome, who, fresh out of the shower and one very heated argument, was looking scrumptiously rumpled and flushed, and his heart gave a small lurch. This was good. If she didn't know, she wouldn't think him a freak, and he could steadily work his way into her---

"Hey, Fluffy, why you didn't tell me she was cursed?"

Sesshomaru, jolted from his thoughts, couldn't think of anything more intelligent to say, then, "Huh?"

Inu-Yasha gave him a very thoughtful look that involved wide, surprised eyes and a confused quirk of eyebrows before he settled his expression and repeated himself. "Why didn't you tell me she was cursed?"

"Cursed?" Sesshomaru repeated. "What do you mean?"

"Yeah, didn't you know? I mean, come on---crazed townspeople believing ludicrous rumors, inanimate objects coming to life, heightened violent tendencies---it all adds up. It's not like these sorts of things happen NORMALLY, you know. "

"Well, that's a relief. Heh. I was starting to believe the world really was this crazy." Kagome grinned, relieved, and plopped down into the chair beside Inu-Yasha. "How nice to know that once I get myself un-cursed, things will settle back down."

He snickered and swiveled his head in her direction.

"Girlie, curses are constructed to suit their victims. You actually had to be a bit batty for the curse to take on this particular brand of freaky. Most people just end up falling down a flight of stairs or getting cleaved by an axe-murderer. YOU get attacked by inanimate objects and angry mobs who think you're the whore of Babylon. Hmm," he contemplated this while both Sesshomaru and Kagome stared at him with building horror. "Do have an idea who might have cursed you?"

Kagome, annoyed with him for accusing her of being nuts, scowled when she replied instantly, "Kouga. And I am not nuts."

"Ex-boyfriend?" He asked, ignoring her other comment.

This annoyed her as well, but Kagome wrinkled her nose and nodded, anyway. Sesshomaru leaned across the table (as he had sat down once his brother began to hypothesize), and patted her hand. She started and nearly knocked over her chair before clutching her hand in her lap and blushing furiously.

The silence that followed this act was deafening.

Inu-Yasha looked from his brother, to the girl, and then from the girl, to his brother. Something suspicious was going on between those two. He huffed, filing that thought away for later comtemplation. "Anyway, at least you know. It'd be good to make sure, though. Has anything else happened to you recently that's strange and unusual?"

"Eh..."Kagome said slowly as she calmed her frazzled nerves. "Well, Miroku ended up being this legendary Priest guy...supposedly the only man in history who can have sex with nuns. He's at the hospital right now recovering from them molesting him. They wore him out. "She grinned evilly, discomfort forgotten. "That's what he gets for the gaucamole. Bwa-ha."

"...nuns?"

"Yeah, nuns. Sango got them under control, though. She's having them take turns with him rather than surging at him all at once."

Inu-Yasha was very confused by this. "Wait, wait, wait, wait...back up. I need to hear the whole story before I can make any deductions..."

"How do you know all this about curses, anyway?" Sesshomaru interrupted, feeling a bit miffed that Kagome was focusing on his brother instead of him. His skin was still sizzling from where he'd touched her hand, dammit. How could she switch her attention so quickly, anyway?

"I dated a Miko recently." Inu-yasha said flatly.

Sesshomaru winced at his brothers tone, and let it go.

With a quirk of her eyebrows, Kagome made a mental note, and then explained the situation.

It was awhile before she finished, as she kept adding in how annoying her cousin was , and how mortifying it had been to have to fight of a horde of angry nuns. Sesshomaru, being the gracious host that he was, had gotten up to heat up some leftovers and serve everyone brunch. He had his apron on and was humming to himself at the stove while Kagome and his brother were digging in, when she suddenly finished and Inu-yasha gave his affirmative.

"Yup. You're cursed. And I think the only reason you're not dead right now--"

"Dead?!" Kagome squeaked, alarmed.

"Yeah, D-e-a-d, Dead. The only reason you're NOT, is because you're related to Miroku and he's this legendary guy destined to do great stuff."

Kagome scowled and took a huge bite of her food as Sesshomaru sat down across from her, looking concerned. "Damn, I have that pervert to be thankful for? Bleh."

"This is only one idea, Kagome. It could be wrong. You don't know for sure, yet, that Inu-Yasha is right."

"I AM right!" Inu-yasha snapped.

"So there's no need to jump to conclusions." Sesshomaru finished smoothly, ignoring his fuming younger brother. Kagome smiled a hopeful smile and dug into her food, feeling lightened, and Sesshomaru, seeing this, preened slightly and exited the kitchen, patting her head with his oven-mittened hand as he sauntered away.

Kagome blushed fiercely as he passed, her skin tingling painfully, and she stared at her plate, suddenly not hungry anymore.

Inu-Yasha, sensing her discomfort, coughed. "So...your name is...er...Kagome, right?"

She nodded slowly, still trying to recover from the horrible shock her system had just gotten. Every damn time Sesshomaru touched her, she got a flashback of him standing in her doorway in that tiny towel, and it was taking everything she had not to lunge after him and ravish him. "And you're..."she cleared her throat, "Sesshomaru's...um...brother? Inu-Yasha?"

"...yeah..." He said, gnawing his lip and feeling more than a little awkward.

"Oh..." she was still nodding slowly as visions of a mostly-naked Sesshomaru danced along the back of her eyeballs. "Nice to...uh...meet you?"

(a/n: er, well, I hope you enjoyed that. Sorry it took so long. And the chapter title makes sense if you're me. Review? )


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